Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [53]
THE PANTS are flat-front with a stripe down the side made of satin or grosgrain that matches the trim on the lapels. That stripe is known as a satin braid, but it’s not actually a braid. Go figure. It’s one of life’s great mysteries. That and Stonehenge.
THE SOCKS are black silk dress socks. They will feel like women’s panty hose. I know you’ll pretend not to like it. But secretly, inside, you do!
THE SHOES are patent leather lace-up dress shoes. Velvet slippers if you absolutely must. (See chapter one.)
If you go to more than three or four formal events a year, you can have a little fun and switch things up. Maybe you throw in a fun scarf, or different cuff links or sophisticated braces, but this is not for amateurs.
If you have more than one tux, you can throw a white dinner jacket into the mix. They’re stylish and chic, in that very Rock Hudson/Cary Grant/James Dean kind of way. If you really want to be daring, try a colored dinner jacket. I have a beautiful pink tropical-weight wool dinner jacket I wore to the Golden Globes. But for the one-tuxedo guy, black and classic it is. I’m queer, are you clear?
When You Wear Tux
Tuxedos are worn to formal events held after six o’clock in the evening. If you get an invitation for a black tie event before six, send me the names of the hosts. I’ll “shoot ’em an e-mail.” Or I’ll just shoot ’em.
If the invitation says “black tie optional,” you can wear a dark suit with a tie, but you run the risk of looking like somebody’s security detail. Sure, it’s technically proper to wear a suit, but everyone might look at you and wonder, “Who’s the loser who doesn’t own a tuxedo?”
I don’t get “black tie preferred,” either. It’s either black tie or it’s not. Give people some direction, for God’s sake. If black tie is “preferred” and you show up in a dark suit, does that mean you won’t get the best hors d’oeuvres or something?
And if the invitation says “creative black tie,” ugh! Those are three words that need to be eradicated. Black tie is just not a place to get creative. Let’s leave that to Fantasy Thursdays in the privacy of your own bedroom.
Holiday Dressing
My rule on this is simple: Turkeys and hams should dress for the holidays. People shouldn’t.
At holiday time, it’s all about rich colors and rich fabrics like velvets and cashmere. It’s not about blinking reindeer noses and Be-Dazzled candy canes. When in doubt, dress like a normal person at the holidays and not someone on their break from Trudee’s Kraft Korrall.
DRESSING FOR THE SEASON
When it comes to dressing appropriately for the season, there are certain hard and fast (giggle) rules you need to follow. I’ve covered these already, but it can’t hurt to reiterate them. No wearing white after Labor Day. Linen is for spring and summer unless you live in southern California or Florida. You only wear flannel in fall and winter, and I’m talking about gray flannel trousers, not Paul Bunyan flannel work-shirts, which you shouldn’t be wearing ever. Open-toed shoes like sandals and flip-flops are only worn from Memorial Day through Labor Day, please. Seersucker is strictly summer only. And white Cadillacs? Never.
For anything beyond that, it’s simply a question of “are you comfortable?” You shouldn’t be wearing a cashmere turtleneck in August, unless you’re in the southern hemisphere. Global warming notwithstanding, you shouldn’t be wearing Bermuda shorts in Manhattan in the middle of January. That’s just basic common sense, kids.
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR DREAMCATCHER? FINDING YOUR COLORS
I always thought people just “got” it when it came to knowing what colors looked good on them. Until I started dressing clueless straight men for a living. I would say, “Why wouldn’t you wear this color?” And they’d say, “Oh, I don’t know.”
Color is so personal and there is so much out there—just experiment with it.