Our American Cousin [10]
bows and harrows.
Asa There goes another of them, oh! you need'nt look for them, you can't find 'em when you want 'em. Now you just take my compliments to Miss Trenchard when I goes out shooting with injurious weapons I always wears my own genuine shooting costume. That's the natural buff tipped off with a little red paint.
Bin Good gracious, he'd look like Hadam and Heve, in the garden of Eden. [Exit Binny.]
Asa Wal, there's a queer lot of fixings. [Sees shower bath.] What on airth is that? Looks like a 'skeeter net, only it 'ain't long enough for a feller to lay down in unless he was to coil himself up like a woodchuck in a knot hole. I'd just like to know what the all-fired thing is meant for. [Calls.] Say Puffy, Puffy, Oh! he told me if I wanted him to ring the bell. [Looks round room.] Where on airth is the bell? [Slips partly inside shower bath, pulls rope, water comes down.] Murder! help! fire! Water! I'm drown.
Enter Skillet, Sharpe, R. 1 E. Binny, Buddicombe, L. 1 E., seeing Asa, all laugh, and keep it up till curtain falls.
CURTAIN.
ACT II
Scene 1.--Oriel Chamber in one.
Enter Mrs. Mountchessington and Augusta, L. 1 E., dressed for Archery Meeting.
Mrs M No, my dear Augusta, you must be very careful. I don't by any means want you to give up De Boots, his expectations are excellent, but, pray be attentive to this American savage, as I rather think he will prove the better match of the two, if what I hear of Mark Trenchard's property be correct.
Aug [Disdainfully.] Yes, ma.
Mrs M And look more cheerful, my love.
Aug I am so tired, ma, of admiring things I hate.
Mrs. M Yes, my poor love, yet we must all make sacrifices to society. Look at your poor sister, with the appetite.
Aug What am I to be enthusiastic about with that American, Ma?
Mrs M Oh! I hardly know yet, my dear. We must study him. I think if you read up Sam Slick a little, it might be useful, and just dip into Bancroft's History of the United States, or some of Russell's Letters; you should know something of George Washington, of whom the Americans are justly proud.
Aug Here he comes, ma. What a ridiculous figure he looks in that dress, ha! ha!
Mrs M Hush, my dear!
Enter Asa, in Archery Dress.
Aug Oh, Mr. Trenchard, why did you not bring me one of those lovely Indian's dresses of your boundless prairie?
Mrs M Yes, one of those dresses in which you hunt the buffalo.
Aug [Extravagantly.] Yes, in which you hunt the buffalo.
Asa [Imitating.] In which I hunt the buffalo. [Aside.] Buffaloes down in Vermont. [Aloud.] Wal, you see, them dresses are principally the nateral skin, tipped off with paint, and the indians object to parting with them.
Both Ahem! ahem!
Asa The first buffalo I see about here I shall hunt up for you.
Mrs M Oh, you Americans are so clever, and so acute.
Aug Yes, so 'cute.
Asa Yes, we're 'cute, we are; know soft solder when we see it.
Aug [Aside.] Ma, I do believe he's laughing at us.
Mrs M Oh, no, my dear, you are mistaken. Oh! I perceive they are appearing for the archery practice. I suppose we shall see you on the ground, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Yes, I'll be there like a thousand of brick.
Aug A thousand of brick!
Mrs M Hush, my dear! that is doubtless some elegant American expression. Au revoir, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Which?
Mrs M Au revoir. [Exit with Augusta, R.]
Asa No, thank you, don't take any before dinner. No use their talking Dutch to me. Wal, I never see an old gal stand fire like that, she's a real old bison bull. I feel all-fired tuckered out riding in those keers. I'd like to have a snooze if I could find a place to lay down in. [Sees curtain on window, L. E.] Oh, this might do! [Pulls curtain, then starts back.] No you don't! One shower bath a day is enough for me. [Cautiously opens them.] No, I guess this is all right, I shall be just as snug in here as in a pew at meeting, or a private box at the Theatre. Hello! somebody's coming. [Goes
Asa There goes another of them, oh! you need'nt look for them, you can't find 'em when you want 'em. Now you just take my compliments to Miss Trenchard when I goes out shooting with injurious weapons I always wears my own genuine shooting costume. That's the natural buff tipped off with a little red paint.
Bin Good gracious, he'd look like Hadam and Heve, in the garden of Eden. [Exit Binny.]
Asa Wal, there's a queer lot of fixings. [Sees shower bath.] What on airth is that? Looks like a 'skeeter net, only it 'ain't long enough for a feller to lay down in unless he was to coil himself up like a woodchuck in a knot hole. I'd just like to know what the all-fired thing is meant for. [Calls.] Say Puffy, Puffy, Oh! he told me if I wanted him to ring the bell. [Looks round room.] Where on airth is the bell? [Slips partly inside shower bath, pulls rope, water comes down.] Murder! help! fire! Water! I'm drown.
Enter Skillet, Sharpe, R. 1 E. Binny, Buddicombe, L. 1 E., seeing Asa, all laugh, and keep it up till curtain falls.
CURTAIN.
ACT II
Scene 1.--Oriel Chamber in one.
Enter Mrs. Mountchessington and Augusta, L. 1 E., dressed for Archery Meeting.
Mrs M No, my dear Augusta, you must be very careful. I don't by any means want you to give up De Boots, his expectations are excellent, but, pray be attentive to this American savage, as I rather think he will prove the better match of the two, if what I hear of Mark Trenchard's property be correct.
Aug [Disdainfully.] Yes, ma.
Mrs M And look more cheerful, my love.
Aug I am so tired, ma, of admiring things I hate.
Mrs. M Yes, my poor love, yet we must all make sacrifices to society. Look at your poor sister, with the appetite.
Aug What am I to be enthusiastic about with that American, Ma?
Mrs M Oh! I hardly know yet, my dear. We must study him. I think if you read up Sam Slick a little, it might be useful, and just dip into Bancroft's History of the United States, or some of Russell's Letters; you should know something of George Washington, of whom the Americans are justly proud.
Aug Here he comes, ma. What a ridiculous figure he looks in that dress, ha! ha!
Mrs M Hush, my dear!
Enter Asa, in Archery Dress.
Aug Oh, Mr. Trenchard, why did you not bring me one of those lovely Indian's dresses of your boundless prairie?
Mrs M Yes, one of those dresses in which you hunt the buffalo.
Aug [Extravagantly.] Yes, in which you hunt the buffalo.
Asa [Imitating.] In which I hunt the buffalo. [Aside.] Buffaloes down in Vermont. [Aloud.] Wal, you see, them dresses are principally the nateral skin, tipped off with paint, and the indians object to parting with them.
Both Ahem! ahem!
Asa The first buffalo I see about here I shall hunt up for you.
Mrs M Oh, you Americans are so clever, and so acute.
Aug Yes, so 'cute.
Asa Yes, we're 'cute, we are; know soft solder when we see it.
Aug [Aside.] Ma, I do believe he's laughing at us.
Mrs M Oh, no, my dear, you are mistaken. Oh! I perceive they are appearing for the archery practice. I suppose we shall see you on the ground, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Yes, I'll be there like a thousand of brick.
Aug A thousand of brick!
Mrs M Hush, my dear! that is doubtless some elegant American expression. Au revoir, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Which?
Mrs M Au revoir. [Exit with Augusta, R.]
Asa No, thank you, don't take any before dinner. No use their talking Dutch to me. Wal, I never see an old gal stand fire like that, she's a real old bison bull. I feel all-fired tuckered out riding in those keers. I'd like to have a snooze if I could find a place to lay down in. [Sees curtain on window, L. E.] Oh, this might do! [Pulls curtain, then starts back.] No you don't! One shower bath a day is enough for me. [Cautiously opens them.] No, I guess this is all right, I shall be just as snug in here as in a pew at meeting, or a private box at the Theatre. Hello! somebody's coming. [Goes