Our American Cousin [11]
into recess.]
Enter Dundreary and Buddicombe, L. 1 E.
Bud My lord--
Dun [Business.]
Bud My lord!
Dun [Business.]
Bud Your lordship!! [Louder.]
Dun There, now you've spoiled it.
Bud Spoiled what, my lord?
Dun Spoiled what, my lord; why, a most magnificent sneeze!
Bud I am very sorry, my lord.
Dun Now that I can speak alone with you, tell me about that hair dye. Have you found it?
Bud Not a trace of it , my lord.
Dun If you don't find it, I'll discharge you.
Bud Very well, my lord. [Bows and exits, L. 1 E.]
Dun Very well, my lord! He's gone and lost my hair dye, and my hair turns red to-morrow, and when I ask him to find it for me or I'll discharge him, he says, ``Very well, my lord.'' He's positively idiotic, he is-- Ah! here comes Miss Georgina, that gorgeous creature--that lovely sufferer. [Exit, L. 1 E.]
Asa [Looking out.] What's the price of hair dye? Hallo! he's coming again with that sick girl.
Re-enter Dundreary and Georgina, L. 1 E.
Dun Will you try and strengthen your limbs with a gentle walk in the garden?
Georgina No, thank you, my lord. I'm so delicate. Oh, my lord, it is so painful to walk languidly through life, to be unable, at times, to bear the perfumes of one's favorite flowers. Even those violets you sent me yesterday I was compelled to have removed from my room, the perfume was too strong for me. I'm _so_ delicate.
Dun Yes, Miss Georgina; but they're very strengthening flowers, you know.
Geo Yes, my lord, you are always right.
Dun Do you know I'm getting to be very robust?
Geo Would I could share that fault with you; but I am so delicate.
Dun If you were robust I should not love you as I do. It would deprive you of that charm which enchains me to your lovely side, which--which--
Geo Oh, my lord, my lord! I'm going to faint.
Dun And I'm going to sneeze, you faint while I sneeze.
Geo [Taking his arm.] Oh! my lord.
Dun Do you know what a sneeze is?
Geo No, my lord.
Dun She never sneezed. I'll tell you what a sneeze is. Imagine a very large spider.
Geo [Screams.] Where, my lord?
Dun No, no, I don't mean a real spider, only an imaginary one, a large spider getting up your nose, and all of a sudden, much to his disgust, he discovers he has put his foot in it and can't get it out again.
Geo That must be very distressing.
Dun For the spider, yes, and not very pleasant for the nose.
Geo Oh! my lord, do take me to mamma.
Dun No, you lovely sufferer, let's walk a little more.
Geo I can't my lord, I'm _so_ delicate.
Dun Well, then, exercise, imitate that little hop of mine. [Hops.] It isn't a run, it's a--
Geo What is it?
Dun No, it isn't a what is it. Well, let me suppose I get you an oyster. [Georgina shakes her head.] Oh! then suppose I get you an oyster.
Geo No, my lord, I'm too delicate.
Dun How would you like the left wing of a canary bird?
Geo No, my lord, it's too strong for me.
Dun Let me ask you a widdle--why does a duck go under water? for divers reasons. Now I'll give you another--why does a duck come out of the water? for sundry reasons. No! No! see, you live on suction, you're like that bird with a long bill, they call doctor, no, that's not it, I thought it was a doctor, because it has a long bill--I mean a snipe--yes, you're a lovely snipe. [Exeunt, R.]
Asa [Looking after them.] There goes a load of wooden nutmegs. Hello, here comes somebody else.
Enter Florence, R., with paper.
Flo. [Reads.] ``One who still remembers what he ought long since to have forgotten, wishes to speak with Miss Trenchard.'' Florence scratched out, ``on matters of life and death, near the orel, in the west gallery,'' Written upon a dirty sheet of paper, in a hardly legible hand. What does this mean; it opens like one of Mrs. Radcliffe's romances. Well, here I am, and now for my correspondent.
Enter Murcott, L.
Mur Oh! for one minute's clear head, Miss Florence.
Flo I presume you are the writer
Enter Dundreary and Buddicombe, L. 1 E.
Bud My lord--
Dun [Business.]
Bud My lord!
Dun [Business.]
Bud Your lordship!! [Louder.]
Dun There, now you've spoiled it.
Bud Spoiled what, my lord?
Dun Spoiled what, my lord; why, a most magnificent sneeze!
Bud I am very sorry, my lord.
Dun Now that I can speak alone with you, tell me about that hair dye. Have you found it?
Bud Not a trace of it , my lord.
Dun If you don't find it, I'll discharge you.
Bud Very well, my lord. [Bows and exits, L. 1 E.]
Dun Very well, my lord! He's gone and lost my hair dye, and my hair turns red to-morrow, and when I ask him to find it for me or I'll discharge him, he says, ``Very well, my lord.'' He's positively idiotic, he is-- Ah! here comes Miss Georgina, that gorgeous creature--that lovely sufferer. [Exit, L. 1 E.]
Asa [Looking out.] What's the price of hair dye? Hallo! he's coming again with that sick girl.
Re-enter Dundreary and Georgina, L. 1 E.
Dun Will you try and strengthen your limbs with a gentle walk in the garden?
Georgina No, thank you, my lord. I'm so delicate. Oh, my lord, it is so painful to walk languidly through life, to be unable, at times, to bear the perfumes of one's favorite flowers. Even those violets you sent me yesterday I was compelled to have removed from my room, the perfume was too strong for me. I'm _so_ delicate.
Dun Yes, Miss Georgina; but they're very strengthening flowers, you know.
Geo Yes, my lord, you are always right.
Dun Do you know I'm getting to be very robust?
Geo Would I could share that fault with you; but I am so delicate.
Dun If you were robust I should not love you as I do. It would deprive you of that charm which enchains me to your lovely side, which--which--
Geo Oh, my lord, my lord! I'm going to faint.
Dun And I'm going to sneeze, you faint while I sneeze.
Geo [Taking his arm.] Oh! my lord.
Dun Do you know what a sneeze is?
Geo No, my lord.
Dun She never sneezed. I'll tell you what a sneeze is. Imagine a very large spider.
Geo [Screams.] Where, my lord?
Dun No, no, I don't mean a real spider, only an imaginary one, a large spider getting up your nose, and all of a sudden, much to his disgust, he discovers he has put his foot in it and can't get it out again.
Geo That must be very distressing.
Dun For the spider, yes, and not very pleasant for the nose.
Geo Oh! my lord, do take me to mamma.
Dun No, you lovely sufferer, let's walk a little more.
Geo I can't my lord, I'm _so_ delicate.
Dun Well, then, exercise, imitate that little hop of mine. [Hops.] It isn't a run, it's a--
Geo What is it?
Dun No, it isn't a what is it. Well, let me suppose I get you an oyster. [Georgina shakes her head.] Oh! then suppose I get you an oyster.
Geo No, my lord, I'm too delicate.
Dun How would you like the left wing of a canary bird?
Geo No, my lord, it's too strong for me.
Dun Let me ask you a widdle--why does a duck go under water? for divers reasons. Now I'll give you another--why does a duck come out of the water? for sundry reasons. No! No! see, you live on suction, you're like that bird with a long bill, they call doctor, no, that's not it, I thought it was a doctor, because it has a long bill--I mean a snipe--yes, you're a lovely snipe. [Exeunt, R.]
Asa [Looking after them.] There goes a load of wooden nutmegs. Hello, here comes somebody else.
Enter Florence, R., with paper.
Flo. [Reads.] ``One who still remembers what he ought long since to have forgotten, wishes to speak with Miss Trenchard.'' Florence scratched out, ``on matters of life and death, near the orel, in the west gallery,'' Written upon a dirty sheet of paper, in a hardly legible hand. What does this mean; it opens like one of Mrs. Radcliffe's romances. Well, here I am, and now for my correspondent.
Enter Murcott, L.
Mur Oh! for one minute's clear head, Miss Florence.
Flo I presume you are the writer