Power_ Why Some People Have Itand Others Don't - Jeffrey Pfeffer [39]
Research shows that attitudes follow behavior—that if we act in a certain way, over time our attitudes follow. For example, if we act friendly toward an adversary whose help we need, we will come to feel more friendly as well. There are many theoretical mechanisms that account for this effect. One holds that people infer their own attitudes from their behavior—or as Michigan professor Karl Weick put it, “I know what I think when I see what I say.” Another is Leon Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance, which argues that people seek to avoid inconsistency, and one way of accomplishing that is to adjust their attitudes to be consistent with their behaviors.20 What this implies is that if we interact with powerful people because we need them to do some task or to help us in our career, over time we will come to like them more or at least forgive their rough edges. And in choosing who we will associate with, usefulness to our career and job loom as important criteria.
People Forget and Forgive
The principle of hedonism underlies many theories of individual behavior, ranging from economics to psychology—we seek pleasure and avoid pain. This is as true for our memories and our interpersonal relationships as it is for any other aspect of our lives. Therefore, over time we will forget the specifics of painful interactions just as women tell me they forget the pain of childbirth, and although we can remember the fact that we had pain from a surgery, the intensity and specificity of that memory soon fades. We also forgive the slights and wounds inflicted by others, and are particularly likely to forgive people if we are in contact with them. And we are more likely to remain in contact if they are powerful. Over time, even the most contentious adversaries can become close friends.
In the 1920s, Robert Moses, New York City’s master builder and urban planner, was beginning his career as Long Island parks commissioner. He seized some land called the Taylor estate using a constitutionally questionable process. Kingsland Macy, a stockbroker and a member of a corporation that had an interest in the estate, opposed Moses and fought him in court, believing that no one’s home was safe if Moses’s power was not curtailed. A few years later, Macy’s financial resources were exhausted by the struggle and he finally gave in. Macy subsequently went into politics and for decades ruled the Suffolk County Republican organization with an iron hand. The two formerly bitter adversaries became close friends:
And when after Macy had fought his way to power, Robert Moses, needing his help, made overtures of friendship, Macy accepted them. Although the strength of their personalities often made them clash, the two one-time “amateurs in politics” were for more than thirty years the closest of political allies, allies so close, in fact, that when, in 1962, cancer-ravaged King Macy knew he was about to die, Moses was the only person outside his immediate family whom he wanted to see.21
Standing out helps you get the jobs and power you may seek. Asking for what you need and being less concerned about what others are thinking about you can help in launching your path to power. But acquiring and wielding power