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to display anger hold across gender and cultures, or is it a behavior that is particularly effective for American males? According to a survey of some 1,200 senior executives conducted by Catalyst, an organization aimed at helping women advance in the workplace, women who acted more assertively and displayed ambition were seen as too tough and unfeminine, although they were also seen as more competent.16 Some experimental research supports the view that women may benefit less than men by acting angry. Social psychologists Victoria Brescoll and Eric Uhlmann conducted three studies examining the interaction between emotional expression and gender on the conferral of status. They found that both men and women conferred less status on angry female professionals than on angry male professionals, and angry women, regardless of their presumed rank, received less status when they expressed anger than when they did not.17 Another set of studies supported the stereotype that men are expected to be more dominant and women more affiliative, so men are expected to show more anger than women.18

When I asked Larissa Tiedens about this issue, she told me that she has not found gender differences in any of the studies she and her colleagues have run, although they have looked for them. She also noted that when women get angry, they often don’t express their anger the way men do. Women frequently show their anger in more “submissive” ways—such as folding their arms in front of their chest, raising the pitch of their voices, or even crying. Tiedens maintains that forceful displays of anger that put the other person on the defensive are effective for both women and men.

At the moment, the question of gender differences in the effectiveness of expressing anger remains open. But if you have to choose between being seen as likable and fitting in on the one hand or appearing competent albeit abrasive on the other, choose competence. Self-deprecating comments and humor work only if you have already established your competence. As the former Israeli prime minister Golda Meir said, “Don’t be so humble; you’re not that great.”19

WATCH YOUR POSTURE AND GESTURES

There is evidence that taller people earn more and are more likely to occupy high power positions.20 There is also ample evidence that physical attractiveness results in higher earnings.21 You don’t need to wear lifts in your shoes or get plastic surgery to act on these findings. You can do a lot with what you have. You can dress up, an act that conveys power and status—to look like you belong in the position to which you aspire. You can do things with your hair, the style of the clothes you wear, and colors to enhance your appearance. Get professional help in enhancing the influence you convey by how you look.

And beyond clothes and hairstyle, you can “move with power.” When Bill English, actor, director, and cofounder of the San Francisco Playhouse, teaches people how to “act with power,” he often critiques their posture. When people are nervous or uncomfortable, they often shrink in on themselves, caving in their chest, folding their arms around them, going into what are essentially defensive postures. Bad idea if you want to project power. Everyone can stand up straight rather than slouching, and can thrust their chest and pelvis forward rather than curling in on themselves. Moving forward and toward someone is a gesture that connotes power, as does standing closer to others, while turning your back or retreating signals the opposite.

Gestures can also connote power and decisiveness, or their opposite. Moving your hands in a circle or waving your arms diminishes how powerful you appear. Gestures should be short and forceful, not long and circular. Looking people directly in the eye connotes not only power but also honesty and directness, while looking down is a signal of diffidence. Looking away causes others to think you are dissembling.

USE MEMORY TO ACCESS THE DESIRED EMOTION

Sometimes you will be called upon to display emotions you don’t feel—confidence when you are uncertain,