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By Root 505 0

leader Rudy Crew has said, “Conflict is just an opportunity for another person’s education,” for exploring why people think the way they do, and for sharing perspectives so the parties to the conflict can learn about and from each other. Particularly in a leadership position, it is irresponsible to avoid people with whom you have disagreements and to duck difficult situations. There are, of course, better and worse ways to engage in conflict. Here are some ideas to make you more successful in surmounting opposition.

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS AND LEAVE PEOPLE A GRACEFUL OUT

Social psychologist Jack Brehm’s theory of psychological reactance holds that people rebel against constraints or efforts to control their behavior—force is met with countervailing force.4 Seeking to dominate the conversation and the decision making and totally control the situation may work on some of your adversaries, but probably not too many. Most will seek to push back, very hard—they will react to your attempts to overpower them by doing things to maintain their power and autonomy. Therefore, one way to deal with opponents is to treat them well and leave them a graceful way to retreat. Sometimes, coopting others and making them a part of your team or organization carries the day by giving them a stake in the current system.

Some years ago at the University of Illinois, a group of women faculty, staff, and students were upset because the university was apparently paying women less than men and jobs held by women paid lower salaries than comparable jobs with similar skills held by men. When this group pressured the university, the administrative response was brilliant and effective: the university established a Committee on the Status of Women, gave the committee some stationery, a budget, and a modest amount of office space—in short, legitimacy and a few resources—and told the committee to study the facts and come up with recommendations. This move effectively coopted the opposition, making the potential protesters part of the university, feeling less estranged and like outsiders. The stridency of the demands diminished and soon people were almost as concerned with the committee’s budget for the following year as they were about the status of women on campus.

You can turn enemies into allies, or at least people who are indifferent to you and not in your way, through strategic outplacement—getting them a better job somewhere else where they will not be underfoot. When Willie Brown became speaker of the California Assembly after a tough race against fellow Democrat Howard Berman, Brown showed benevolence to his opponents. Following a decennial redistricting that created more congressional districts, Howard Berman and two other Brown rivals, Mel Levine and Rick Lehman, went to the U.S. Congress with Willie Brown’s help. “Other Democratic Assembly rivals, like Wadie Deddeh of San Diego, got safe seats in the state Senate.”5 Brown rewarded his Democratic rivals rather than exacting retribution, and thereby solidified his power. Helping opponents move to another organization where they won’t be in your way may not be the first thing you think about doing, but it ought to be high on the list.

“Face” is important for people’s self-esteem. Giving adversaries something to make them feel better works to your advantage, particularly if the move doesn’t cost you that much. That’s why boards and bosses often say nice things about people being shown the door, and even sometimes provide money—seldom from their own pockets—that makes the exit easier to swallow. At a large human resources consulting partnership that elects its leader by a vote of the partners, one partner who had built a large organizational practice and was quite visible in the business media backed the losing candidate. The winner called this partner into his office and told him he had to leave, his value to the firm notwithstanding. But to ease the pain and ensure that he would leave quietly, the newly elected leader gave the departing partner enough money that he didn’t have to work for a year.