Prime Time - Jane Fonda [89]
There are so many different kinds of vibrators. Almost any good pharmacy sells the long, white, plug-in vibrator called the Magic Wand, made by Hitachi, with two intensities, high and low. It is sold as a body massager. The Eroscillator, which has been highly recommended by Dr. Ruth Westheimer, oscillates rather than vibrates, and does it at thirty-six hundred oscillations a minute. The sensation is gentler, faster, and feels like the wings of a flying hummingbird. It has five interchangeable attachments and comes with a book written by Dr. Ruth that explains how to use the attachments.
Then there is the Rabbit, a vibrator that became famous when it was featured in an episode of Sex and the City. It is so named because a little rabbit resides at the end of a rotating and vibrating shaft with about 5 inches of penetration. The ears of the Rabbit vibrate against the clitoris while the shaft is whirling around and stimulating the erogenous places in the vagina.
The most high-end, cutting-edge sex toys I’ve found on the market today are made by two companies, LELO and Jimmyjane. They are apparently made from medical-grade silicone, and must be used with water-based lubricants only. Using silicone lubricant with a silicone-based sex toy will eventually ruin it. If cared for properly, good sex toys can last for many years.
At the end of this chapter are the names of two sources of sex products for women; both companies will send you their catalogs. From either one, you can get two classic books about masturbation, Sex for One, by Betty Dodson, and For Yourself, by Dr. Lonnie Barbach. These have been in print for thirty-five years, proof that women continue to view masturbation as a loving ritual.
In the old days, K-Y Jelly was all you could get, but today a wide variety of lubricants are available. Some are more viscous than others. Lubricants come in two basic types: silicone-based and water-based. Silicone-based lubricants are known to last longer and provide greater stimulation and, as a result, are used primarily for intercourse. Water-based lubricants come in a variety of flavors and are used more for oral sex and when using sex toys. The lubricants that I have heard recommended most often are Pjur (pronounced pure), which is made in Germany, and Sliquid. These apparently do not contain glycerine and sugar, which can encourage yeast infections. Both companies make both silicone- and water-based lubricants. Sliquid comes in a variety of flavors such as green apple tart and blue raspberry.
Try things out until you find what works best for you. With or without a partner, lubricants are the friends of Third Acters, and you should take their use for granted.
During my interview with psychologist Dr. Michael Perelman, he said, “I think one of the tricky things, because of the politics of our time, is to understand how well being selfish in bed can work; that everybody needs to take care of themselves a little bit. You want to be a sensitive lover, but you also want to make sure that you are not worrying so much about pleasing your partner that you fail to please yourself. It is kind of a paradox; the more you can lose yourself in experiencing pleasure with the other person, actually the more pleasure they are going to get from realizing how desirable they are and how sexy they are, because look at how excited you are getting. If you worry too much about just pleasing the other person, and not getting excited yourself, you are actually depriving them of having that same reaction from you.”
Practical Suggestions
Here are some practical suggestions for achieving a more satisfying sex life:
• It’s critical to try to resolve any issues you have with your partner. Anger and resentment are surefire libido killers. Talk things through, or find a good couples counselor or sex therapist and be brave enough to work through it.
• Besides anger, boredom can take a toll on sexuality, so try doing new things with your long-term partner,