Prime Time - Jane Fonda [90]
• Learn about the G-spot. The G-spot, named in honor of Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, a prominent figure in early- twentieth-century gynecology, is a small region of the female anatomy many regard as an erogenous zone responsible for intense orgasms. The G-spot, which is commonly considered an element of the female prostate, is located on the front vaginal wall, approximately two or three inches inside the vagina. When the area is stimulated, powerful sexual arousal and female ejaculation may occur. There is ongoing controversy over the physiological structure and exact location of the G-spot, but recent research utilizing ultrasound imaging does provide information with regard to the G-spot’s location and how it relates to erogenous stimulation in women who have orgasms during intercourse.
• Try reading sexy books together or watching sexy videos. Whereas the older erotic videos were made primarily to stimulate men, today there are videos made by and targeted for women (though men can enjoy them as well). The Psychiatric Annals mentions Candida Royalle (Femme Productions) and Jane Hamilton (also called Veronica Hart) as good examples of producers.12 The couples in this new genre of erotica seem more loving and genuinely turned on, and it is the women who initiate sex. Videos showing tantric sex are more woman-friendly. And a growing number of videos feature older couples being erotic. By the way, if your partner likes to watch erotic pictures or videos during lovemaking, don’t feel it means he finds you unsatisfying. Just keep in mind that men respond more to visual stimulation than women do and that older men in particular need more stimulation. Instead of letting it upset you, think of it as his way to be a better, more aroused lover for you. The very fact that you are the one to bring home a new video and propose watching it changes the dynamic, and puts you in charge, and you may find that you enjoy watching as much as he does. A sex therapy video series, Guides to Sexual Pleasure, was created by three of this country’s top sex therapists: Reverend Dr. Bill Stayton, Dr. Herb Samuels, and Dr. Joy Davidson. The videos are done in segments that show real, loving couples engaging in loving touch, then techniques of foreplay, and, finally, intercourse. I find the videos very exciting, but they are also a therapeutic tool. Each one has a “therapy choice” where suggestions are made about how to view each segment, followed by suggestions on what a couple can do after watching the video. (See the end of this chapter for more information.)
• Learn to stimulate your and your partner’s senses in the bedroom, suggests sex therapist and psychiatrist Dr. Barbara Bartlik. “One common exercise,” she told me in an interview, “is called the Five Senses. I tell my client, ‘Each time you make love, bring into the bedroom something that stimulates one of your senses.’ So that might be that you bring a glass of wine into the bedroom and drink it from each other’s mouths. Or you bring in chocolate sauce and lick it off each other. Drape a red scarf over your bedside lamp to create a dim, sexy aura. Learn to talk dirty to each other, read an erotic story out loud. Try the synthetic body scents or pheromones made by the Athena Institute, which can help with arousal. They mimic the body’s own pheromones, which are secreted by the underarms and genitalia in the highest concentrations. As you get older they get less strong.” You can find out more about pheromones from AthenaInstitute.com.
• Try having sex in the morning or afternoon, when you both are less apt to be tired.
• Start an exercise regimen so that you feel better and more confident about yourself. Your body will be more toned and—most important—flexible. Try dancing or yoga, something that