Prime Time - Jane Fonda [91]
• Start doing Kegel exercises. Named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, these are exercises to strengthen the pubococcygeus (pew-bo-cok-si-JEE-us) muscle, a hammock-like band of tissue that stretches from the pubic bone, in the front, to the tailbone, in the back, and to tighten the vaginal muscles. They also help prevent urinary incontinence. The PC muscle is sometimes called the “love muscle” because, along with supporting all the pelvic organs, such as the bladder, it helps the vaginal muscles work. Directions for doing Kegels are at the end of this chapter.
• Take an anti-inflammatory such as Aleve twenty minutes before sex so you won’t feel the aches and pains.
• Take a romantic bath or shower together.
• Choose the sexiest turn-on music you can find. In fact, make a point of collecting sexy music you both like. Load the music onto an iPod so you’ll have it all in one easy-to-transport place.
• Take a course in giving a massage or get a good video of erotic massaging and treat each other to one. It has been said that, along with the brain, the skin is the most erotic part of the body. The book Erotic Massage, by Charla Hathaway, is a classic about the art of this loving ritual. I can also recommend the DVD The Joy of Erotic Massage, produced by the Sinclair Institute and narrated by the notable sexologist Louise-Andree Saulnier. Try using scented massage oils (the Kama Sutra line is very desirable), organic lubricants, or other love oils designed to enhance the sensual experience.
• And then there are candles, the true friends of older lovers. Place them—lots of them—in strategic places around the room so that you and your partner are shown at your best.
• If you are beginning a new sexual relationship, you must protect yourself! Individuals fifty and older account for 11 percent of the cases of AIDS in the United States … and this has increased by 22 percent in the past decade. Older women are especially vulnerable because our thinning vaginal walls can tear so easily. We must use condoms unless we know the health status of our partner. If you have a new partner in a monogamous relationship, get tested now, and again in six months. Only then should you stop using condoms.
This chapter has been about the ways in which sex changes with age. The following chapter talks about some of the ways we can mitigate those changes.
Some Suggested Readings, Videos, and Sex Shops
The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (Cleis Press, 1994)—how to have safe, fun sex … tips and techniques from the folks who run one of America’s favorite sex-toy stores
Good Vibrations—books and sexual products for women and couples
1210 Valencia Street
San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 974-8990
Eve’s Garden
119 West 57th Street
Suite 1406
New York, NY 10019
(212) 757-8651
Sex therapy video series (Sexual Pleasure, available in three editions: Heterosexual Couples, Lesbian Couples, and Gay Couples). For information visit www.HSAB.org.
KEGEL EXERCISES
The goal is to squeeze and release your PC muscle 200 times a day, using both slow movements and rapid ones. (See this page for diagram of muscle location.) You can start slow—three slow sets a day five days a week—and work your way up. This gets easier as you do more of them.
The Slow Squeeze
Squeeze for 10 seconds as though you’re trying to stop the flow of urine, then relax for 10 seconds. Do this 10 times. (You may want to start with 3 seconds and work up to 10, but the squeeze and the release should always be of the same duration.)
The Quick Squeeze
Squeeze and release the PC muscle as rapidly as you can for 2 minutes; don’t forget to breathe normally throughout.
Try to do the exercises in various positions—standing, lying down, sitting—including on the toilet while urinating. Think of trying to stop the flow of urine.
Your ob-gyn can provide you with a prescription for small weights of graduating heaviness that are inserted into the vagina while you perform the Kegels. This focuses your awareness and gives you something