Reaction - Lesley Choyce [8]
The reaction from the girls was mixed as well. Some treated me like pond scum. Other girls who had never even paid attention to me would look my way in the hallway or in class. I could see that they were curious about me. I wasn’t used to being the center of such attention.
And it seemed that every time I turned around, Kiley would show up and want to know how things were going. “Are you going to be all right?” she asked.
“Everything is going to turn out fine,” I said.
“You are actually even considering having the baby? Don’t you think Ashley would be too young to actually go through with this?”
“No,” I said. “I think she’d be fine as long as I’m there to help.”
“You mean it, don’t you?”
“Well, we’re considering the options,” I said. I was becoming more certain every day that having the baby was the right way to go. I loved Ashley, and she loved me. All I needed, all Ashley and I needed, was for everyone to leave us alone.
Then Kiley gave me this really strange look. It didn’t register at first, but after she walked away it clicked. It wasn’t the kind of look that a friend gives you. It was more than that. And I discovered that I liked how that made me feel.
Ashley and I could hang out at the public library after school or in the park, but I wasn’t allowed in her house, and her parents wouldn’t let her come over to my house. When she was with me she seemed happy enough, but I could sense that she was more than a little scared. She had gotten used to being the pregnant girl in school. I was less than comfortable with my role, but I could handle it.
A couple of weeks passed, and we settled into a kind of “normal” routine. We’d gone back to Planned Parenthood a couple of times, and Ashley and I did a heck of a lot of talking about our situation. I’d also emailed back and forth with Mark for some of his thoughts. Have the baby, dude. It will change your life, he wrote once.
And then another week passed. And another. Ashley was hardly feeling sick at all, and kids had seemingly lost interest in our situation. We were old news. We were sitting in the library doing homework together when Ashley said, “You want this baby, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I finally said. “I want us to have the baby. I want to be there for you. And for the baby. I think we can do this.”
Ashley was wide-eyed. She looked scared. “This doesn’t seem like it’s real.”
I agreed. “I know. I find it hard to believe that by next year this time, we could both be parents of a little kid.”
“That sounds so crazy,” she said, but she was smiling now.
“Well, we’ve changed. We need to keep working at this.”
“I know. It’s just that sometimes I wish that things could go back to the way they used to be.”
I hugged her then, and she cried softly into my shirt. Truth is, I had a million doubts about what we were doing. Would she be strong enough to go through with it? Would the baby be healthy? Would I be a good father? Would her parents allow me to be part of the picture? Did I really want to make this commitment? But something inside of me kept saying this was the right thing to do despite all the odds. I didn’t say anything. I just closed my eyes and held her while the librarian at her desk looked over at us. But when she saw the frightened look on my face, she quickly looked away.
Chapter Ten
Strange as it may sound, both Ashley and I were doing better in school than we had been before she got pregnant. All that time hanging out together in the public library was paying off. We’d both cleaned up our act some. We stayed away from parties. Ashley knew she shouldn’t drink or do anything that might affect the baby. Yes, we started using those words: “the baby.” Sometimes we referred to it