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Appendix I

“GETTING TO KNOW YOUR

SPOUSE” QUESTIONNAIRE

The following questions are many of the same ones we use for the premarital counseling at our church as an assignment for those wanting to be married. In offering them we are not expecting anyone to go through them all, or worse still, to use them like an interrogation. Instead, over the course of many conversations, it might be interesting to comb through the questions and ask your spouse some of the more curious ones you stumble across and then listen respectfully to see what you can learn.

Spiritual Background

1. What is the gospel?

2. Who is Jesus?

3. Do you consider yourself a Christian? Why?

4. What role do you want to see Jesus playing in your marriage?

5. What kind of religious upbringing did you have?

6. How did your parents influence your beliefs of God?

7. List ways that your family exhibited a faith or belief in God (prayer before meals, reading the Bible together, etc.).

8. Have you been baptized? When?

9. How do you practice spiritual disciplines (prayer, Bible reading, attend church, etc.)?

10. What is sin?

11. What sins do you struggle with most frequently?

12. How pleased are you with your spiritual life together, including praying, attending church, being in a Bible study small group, and serving God?

13. How would you describe your personal journey as a Christian?

14. How strong do you think your faith is?

15. What have been the highlights of your relationship with Christ and of your church or ministry involvement?

16. What are the main ways you’ve seen God active in and through you?

17. What are some special times when you have seen God provide for you?

18. When were some times when you felt that you were not walking with God very closely? Why do you think that happened?

19. What are some areas in which you want to see God work in your life?

Authority Figures

1. As you look at your past, how have you traditionally responded to authority (for example, parents, employers, teachers, coaches, pastors)?

2. How have you responded to Christ’s authority in your life?

3. How do you think the way you respond to authority will affect your relationship with your future spouse?

4. As a wife, do you respect your husband, enable him, or disrespect him?

5. As a husband, do you lead lovingly or abdicate leadership to your wife?

Family History

1. Were your parents divorced? If so, did they remarry? If so, which parent got custody of you?

2. How would you describe your parents’ marriage?

3. Choose three to five adjectives to describe your relationship with your father and why you chose them.

4. Choose three to five adjectives to describe your relationship with your mother and why you chose them.

5. In what ways are you like your parents?

6. In what ways are you different?

7. In what ways do you want to emulate your parents’ relationship?

8. What are the ways you do not want to emulate their relationship?

9. Are there any unresolved issues between you and your parents? Explain.