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By Root 726 0

is essential to marriage. In a contractual marriage two people with two lives negotiate the terms of their marriage. This tends to make marriage more like a business deal where two individuals living parallel lives monitor each other’s contributions to see if the terms of the marriage negotiation are being upheld. For many men and women, the questions are: Is my spouse keeping up his/her looks, making his/her share of the income, doing an equal amount of the chores, and having enough sex with me, or not? And if at any point I do not believe my spouse is keeping up his or her end of our business arrangement, I simply nullify the deal and file for divorce according to the terms of a prenuptial agreement in which the divorce was organized before the marriage began.

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A covenant is not like a contract. This is important for men to understand because most men, especially professionals, think contractually, which is fine for business but death to a marriage. The concept of covenant appears literally hundreds of times throughout the Bible. At the most basic level, a covenant is a loving agreement between two parties that bonds them together.a Some covenants are made between God and people, such as the new covenant of salvation.b Other covenants are made between people, such as the covenant of marriage.c

The concept of covenant is referred to in various terms throughout the Bible, but the main one is hesed. It is often translated as covenant love, loving-kindness, mercy, steadfast love, loyal love, devotion, commitment, loyalty, or reliability. Perhaps The Jesus Storybook Bible for children says it best, describing covenant love as “a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”5

Safeguarding every covenant is a head, a leader responsible for the keeping of the covenant terms. The Bible repeatedly says that Jesus Christ is the capital-H covenant “Head.”d Regarding the family, the Bible also repeatedly says that the husband is the little-h “head” of covenant marriage and family.e This assignment of the husband to the role of covenant head is not something rooted in culture that can be changed, but rather something rooted in creation that is unchanging. The Bible evidences this in five ways.

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1. God called the race “man” (Gen. 1:26) and “mankind” (Gen. 5:2).

2. By naming Eve, Adam was exercising authority over her as God commanded (Gen. 2:23).

3. Although the woman sinned first, God came calling for the man (Gen. 3:8–9) and held him responsible because he failed to lovingly lead and protect his family from Satan and sin. Sadly, our first father, like many of his cowardly sons, sat idly by and did nothing while his wife was being deceived (2 Cor. 11:3; 1 Tim. 2:14).

4. It is Adam’s sin that is imputed to the human race, because he is our head, and only Jesus, who is called “the last Adam,” can remove that sin (Rom. 5:12–21; 1 Cor. 15:45).

5. Echoing the creation account of our first parents, the Bible repeatedly declares that husbands are to lovingly, humbly, and sacrificially lead their homes as Christlike heads, and that wives are to submit to their husbands (Gen. 2:18, cf. Gen. 5:2; 1 Cor. 11:2–16; 14:33–34; Eph. 5:21–33; Col. 3:18; 1 Tim. 2:11–15; Titus 2:3–5; 1 Peter 3:1).

This does not mean that a husband is in ultimate authority. God is. And other authorities are over the man, such as the state and church governments. It also does not mean a wife can’t have independent thoughts or seek to influence her husband, or has to obey her husband’s command to sin, or that she is less intelligent or competent than her husband. This does mean that a husband and wife are equal with complementary roles (like a left and right hand that work together, though one is dominant); wives are to submit to their husbands as Jesus does to God the Father; husbands are to lovingly lead their wives as Jesus does the church. A single woman should only marry a man she respects and trusts enough to follow. Marriage is supposed to reflect something of the Trinity and the gospel, where Jesus pursues us in love