Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [34]
Mainline Protestants were said to hold to “Golden Rule Christianity,” which means they are primarily committed to loving God and people through such things as acts of justice and mercy. They had a lower commitment to other things that conservative Protestants or evangelicals hold to, such as the belief that the Bible is the inerrant, perfect Word of God, which serves as the moral guide to all of life. They also hold that Jesus is the only means to salvation. Wilcox’s findings only confirm what the Bible says: that Christian men (Catholic and Protestant) who lovingly and biblically lead their homes as head have considerably better marriages and families.
While there is no silver bullet to ensure all goes well in marriage, the following things make a big difference: get involved in a good church, agree on what the Bible says, and worship together at home.
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Get Involved in a Good Church
There are many benefits of a husband being involved in a Bible-believing, Jesus-loving, conservative Christian church.
Churchgoing husbands express more positive emotion to their wives, are more attentive to their marriages, serve their wives more, take more time for date night and time together, and invest more in their wives.8 This is due, in part, to the constant stressing in a good church that selfishness is a sin, and we are called by God to live for the glory of God and good of others, which helps safeguard a marriage from selfishness.
The combination of preaching, teaching, modeling of godly men, negative examples from sinful men, accountability, praise for godly behavior, and discipline for ungodly behavior all help keep husbands pursuing their wives in love.9 The church also helps create a “canopy of meaning” where daily life activities are connected to God and purpose. It also closes the back door on adultery and divorce, forcing men to work on their marriages and to take a long-term view, even to future generations.10
Churchgoing conservative Protestant family men are soft patriarchs. Contrary to the assertions of feminists, many family scholars, and public critics, these men cannot be fairly described as "abusive" and ‘authoritarian’ family men wedded to "stereotypical forms of masculinity." They outpace mainline Protestant and unaffiliated family men in their emotional and practical dedication to their children and wives and in their commitment to family, and they are the least likely to physically abuse their wives.11
In fact, “evangelical married men have the lowest rates of reported domestic violence of any major religious or secular group in the United States.”12 However, “nominal conservative Protestant husbands are the group . . . most likely to commit domestic violence.”13 “Nominal” refers to those who profess Christianity but do not practice it with such things as regularly reading the Bible, praying, and attending church.
Godly men make the best fathers. The research confirms that “conservative Protestant married men with children are consistently the most active and expressive fathers and the most emotionally engaged husbands.”14 And men who are regular churchgoers are more likely to spend time in youth-related activities such as coaching sports, hugging and praising their children, disciplining them rather than forcing Mom to do it all by default, keeping tabs on their children, playing games with them, and helping out with homework. They also yell at their children less frequently than other fathers.15
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Couples who regularly attend church together report greater marital happiness, marital support, and romance in their marriages.16 The positive impact for husbands is even greater than for wives. “For men, 70 percent