Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [35]
Couples who regularly attend church together are far less likely to separate or divorce, which is the most common eventual result of separation. Couples who “frequently attend religious services are only about half as likely to separate.”19 Also, the “rate of marital dissolution [divorce] is 2.4 times higher among couples where neither spouse attends than among couples where each spouse attends religious services every week.”20 One study found that couples who attend church together regularly were approximately 35 percent less likely to divorce, compared to their married peers who rarely or never attended religious services.21
What do all these statistics mean to you? If your marriage is in trouble and you are not in a good church, connecting with one is an urgent matter. And if your marriage is not in crisis, then please seek to stay connected in community at a good church to help safeguard your marriage. In choosing a church, it must be a church that the husband wants to attend. Too often the wife is the one choosing the church because it meets her emotional desires and the children’s programming needs. Subsequently, the husband is not interested in church because he sees it primarily for women and children. This, in part, explains why the majority of church attenders are women. To curb this trend, you, the husband, need to take the initiative to find a church that you also find challenging, one that is filled with men you respect, enjoy, and would pursue godly relationships with.
This all begins with the preaching pastor, because a man chooses a church not so much because of style or programming but rather because he admires the senior leader and is willing to submit to him, follow him, and emulate him. So husbands must find a church led by a man who believes the Bible, loves Jesus, and leads his home and church well as a man’s man.
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Once you are in a local church, do not merely attend events anonymously; get connected to community. Good churches encourage and provide opportunities for couples and their children to spend meaningful time together, from serving to small groups and retreats. Good churches have other families that can become great friends of your family as you encourage and support one another to honor God in all of life. These relationships are incredibly important because they provide for a husband and wife same-gender relationships and accountability. For example, Grace and I have a handful of very wise, godly couples both in and out of our church whom we depend on for earnest counsel and loving rebuke. These relationships have been life changing and marriage saving. Good churches also have wise people who can help you learn how to care for a newborn, sort out your finances, purchase a home, deal with an illness or death, get a job, and handle other challenging life seasons and circumstances. Last, a good church provides ministry opportunities for a husband and wife to serve God together, which is incredibly meaningful, purposeful, and uniting.
Agree on What the Bible Says
You and your wife will be well served to agree on your theology of marriage. Couples who do not do the hard work of studying what the Bible says about life and marriage may believe in God, but they fail to enjoy the kind of oneness that He intends for them. Rather than fighting with each other about what is right and wrong, together you fight for each other, seeking to honor your shared biblical convictions. You will have a great advantage if you not only attend the same church but also have the same theological convictions on the big issues, including marriage. This is proved statistically in the following ways.
One, couples who are part of the same Christian denomination are 42 percent more likely to be very happy than couples who are