Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [36]
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Two, theological agreement is more important than an equal sharing of chores in the home. In past generations, chauvinism was common because some husbands did not respect their wives as equal or value their contributions. In reaction, feminism then came into vogue, seeking to get women out of the home and into the workplace, and to make the husbands do half the chores at home. This method has been called an egalitarian marriage. Despite a lot of egalitarian effort, the evidence concludes that whether or not a wife works outside the home, she still does most of the chores in the home. What is curious, however, is that it does not seem to be the determining factor in whether a wife thinks she has a high-quality marriage. The researchers studying this
find no support for the theory that egalitarianism (conceptualized as approving or disapproving of women working when [they] have children, whether or not the wife participated in labor force, whether husband or wife earned more, and how equally household labor [was] divided) promotes wife’s marital quality. It is more important for wife’s marital happiness that husband and wife have shared ideas about marriage, that they both commit to the institution of marriage, that they are integrated into an institution (like the church) that also has these same ideas about marriage, and that the marriage and the husbands are emotionally invested in marriage.25
For engaged couples, these findings underscore the importance of rigorous biblically based premarital counseling in a local church that includes a community of support. Couples who do not theologically agree on what will and will not happen in their marriage wind up fighting about it, sometimes for the rest of their lives. But couples who do agree on their roles in marriage as taught in the Scriptures embrace their roles and find them meaningful.
For the wife, this means that so long as the husband expresses great thankfulness for her work in the home and is willing to help out as needed, she does not usually feel slighted.26 And the husband who considers it his duty to be the primary if not the sole breadwinner does not begrudge this fact but rather embraces it as a God-given duty. Furthermore, he is genuinely aided by a wife who thanks him for working hard to take care of their family and appreciates his work outside the home as much as he appreciates her work in the home.27 Mutual appreciation and encouragement is key, especially in a culture that doesn’t regard biblical roles positively. Similarly, a marriage in which both spouses work outside the home requires that they agree on how their life is organized and each is encouraging and thankful for the various contributions the other makes to their family. The key is always agreement and appreciation.
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Worship Together at Home
The Bible expects husbands and fathers to lovingly function as pastors to their wives and children. The Bible commands husbands to be in the Scriptures with their wives regularly.a The Bible invites studious wives to take their biblical and theological questions to their husbands with the assumption that they know their Bible. If a husband doesn’t have an answer, he should lovingly do his homework to help his wife grow spiritually.b The Bible also commands fathers as “pastor dads” to spiritually raise up their children.c
The evidence concludes that “the frequency with which couples engage in regular in-home worship activities (for example, prayer and scriptural study) was also a positive link with relationship quality.”28 Men, as the head of your homes, this is ultimately your responsibility. To be sure,