Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [38]
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a 1 Cor. 13:11.
b 1 Cor. 11:7.
a 1 Tim. 5:8.
a Gen. 26:28; Dan. 11:6.
b Jer. 31:31–34; Matt. 26:28; Luke 22:20; Rom. 11:27; 1 Cor. 11:25; 2 Cor. 3:6; Heb. 7:22; 8:8–13; 9:15; 12:24.
c Prov. 2:16–17; Mal. 2:14.
d Col. 1:18; 2:10, 19; Eph. 1:10, 22; 4:15; 5:23.
e Gen. 2:18, cf. 1 Tim. 2:11–15; Gen. 5:2; 1 Cor. 11:2–16; 14:33–34; Eph. 5:21–33; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:3–5; 1 Peter 3:1.
a Gen. 3:17–19.
a Matt. 7:21–23.
a Eph. 5:25–26.
b 1 Cor. 14:35.
c Eph. 6:4.
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THE RESPECTFUL WIFE
Let the wife see that she respects her husband.
—EPHESIANS 5:33
Long ago, there was a believing woman who was married to an unbelieving man. Because of his power, she was made to marry him, though she did not know him. He divorced his first wife for disrespecting him in public. This new wife was given a very powerful position by virtue of marrying him, and she trusted that God was going to give her wisdom and strength to humbly love him and learn from him. She desired to be obedient to God first, and she was going to be asked to risk her very life for God’s plan. In her culture, women (even the wife) weren’t allowed to make requests of powerful leaders without being called by the man first. Can you imagine having to wait for your husband to call upon you to talk to him or ask anything from him? Amazingly, when she had an extremely urgent request, she respectfully waited outside his room to be heard. She didn’t barge in and demand that he do what she wanted. She didn’t back down from the request because it was too much effort or risk. She didn’t disregard his need for respect, even if it seemed extreme. She humbly prayed, acted in godly faith and wifely respect, and saved the lives of her people!
Esther is an amazing example of a godly woman in the hardest of circumstances. She took a risk by doing the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, for the right reasons. Her example illustrates the repeated command across all Scripture that wives respectfully submit to their husbands, and it removes any excuse we have for disrespecting our husbands.a
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Were you hoping I (Grace) wouldn’t address this issue, or were you going to skim through this chapter because you think you already respect your husband well? Many of us have read chapters and books on this topic, but for some reason most of them seem to be written by men!1 I want to honestly look at what the Bible has to say versus what the culture has to say and encourage you to live in the freedom that comes when we are obedient to God and His Word. Mark has written to the men on their responsibilities, and I believe it is wise for me to do the same for the women, because they go hand in hand.
Do you want to have a joyful and unified marriage that glorifies God? In order to obtain oneness and worship our Lord in our marriages, we need to correctly understand the need for respect. Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. God created and called the man to lead and love his wife, and when he doesn’t do that in a holy way, he is sinning. God created the woman to helpa and respect her husband, and when she doesn’t do that in a holy way, she is sinning. Oneness is not accomplished through sinning against our spouses and our God! Esther obeyed God and respected an ungodly husband. God protected her, and her king husband loved her through honoring her request. This is exactly what Ephesians 5:33 intends for your marriage as well: “Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Respect Defined
We need to know what a word means before we can start to practice it. To respect is “to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire.” Can you think of someone you respect? As women, we often respect other women. But what