Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [65]
Sex as Gift
Contrary to their much-maligned image, the Puritans marked a shift in thinking about sex. Church historian Belden Lane stated, “Puritan marriage manuals by English writers like William Whately and William Gouge forthrightly defended ‘mutual dalliances for pleasure’s sake’ within the marriage covenant, urging ‘that husband and wife mutually delight each in the other,’ maintaining a ‘fervent love’ in their regular yielding of that ‘due benevolence’ one to another which is warranted and sanctified by God’s word.”24
The change of thought by the Puritans from previous Christian teaching was due to their return to the Bible. The Bible teaches that while sex can be received as a god and rejected as gross, it can also be redeemed as a gift. Because sex is a gift that God gave, it is His intent that we steward and enjoy that gift, like every gift He gives, in such a way that is glorious to Him and good for our marriages.
Sex is a powerful gift that God gives to married couples. Furthermore, it provides six good and glorious benefits.
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Sex is for pleasure.
Throughout the most erotic book in the Bible, the Song of Songs, children are never mentioned, as the entire focus of the book is simply marital passion and pleasure. Pleasures in the Song of Songs include kissing (1:2), oral/fellatio— her initiative (2:3), manual stimulation—her invitation (2:6), erotic massage—his initiative (4:5), oral/cunnilingus—his initiative (4:12–5:1), striptease (6:13–7:9), and new places and positions, including outdoors—her initiative (7:11–13).
Sex is for creating children.a
Birth control use is not always a sin if abortive methods are not used, and the heart’s motives are not sinful, as we examine in chapter 10. But children are repeatedly considered a blessing throughout Scripture. God created a husband and wife to conceive children at the moment of deepest connection.
Sex is for oneness.b
Dr. Stephen Arterburn’s New Life Ministries says,
Sexual pleasure is one of the most intense human experiences. Physically speaking, when a man or woman reaches sexual excitement, nerve endings release a chemical into the brain called “opioid.” “Opioid” means opium-like and is a good description of the power of this chemical. Apart from a heroin-induced experience, nothing is more physically pleasurable than sex. This is a wonderful thing in a committed marriage relationship, because it helps to bond two people together and bring joy to living together and building a relationship.25
A faithfully married couple with a free and frequent sex life are literally bonded together as one, physically and chemically by God’s design. This oneness is expressed in such things as having one last name, living in one house, sleeping in one bed, attending one church, sharing one bank account, and worshipping one God.
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Sex is for knowledge.a
In the act of sex, and the related intimacy that surrounds it, a couple learns to know each other in a way that they are not known by anyone else. This sacred and experiential knowledge means that a faithfully married couple has an intimacy and connection that is not only exclusive but also unprecedented in all their other relationships.
Sex is for protection.b
While there is no excuse for sexual sin, there are factors that can increase the temptation for sexual sin. Perhaps chief among them is a marriage in which at least one of the people is sexually dissatisfied because the sex is not free or frequent enough. If one person feels sexually denied and discouraged, it increases the temptation to wander outside the marriage for sexual satisfaction. But free and frequent sex within marriage helps safeguard and protect the marriage from such sins as bitterness, adultery,