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How would I want my own daughters to be cared for? When I think of the possibility of my own daughters experiencing such things as I have, I am devastated. Mark and I want to do all we can to protect and inform them so that pain can be avoided and their legacies can be different. Being preventive as a parent is very important. Resources such as “Kids Need to Know”12 booklets and training give helpful discussions and terms you can use with all ages of kids. Not only are many children sexually abused; most are abused by children and adults they know. Tragically, many parents think it is rare and would never happen to their kids. They trust people without even knowing them and end up leaving their children vulnerable.

Safety is an urgent issue and one that parents can overlook for the sake of convenience. It takes time to get to know and trust whom your kids play with or the family members present. Often parents just want to drop the kids off to get a break, not considering the possibilities of how their children’s lives could be altered if they are abused. As parents, we need to be teaching our children healthy boundaries with their bodies (private parts are what a swim suit covers); giving them words to use if they need to report abuse; explaining the difference between good secrets like surprise parties and bad secrets that a child is told never to tell; helping them not be afraid to say stop or no if someone is making them uncomfortable; believing them (young children rarely lie about sexual abuse); and assuring them they won’t get in trouble if they tell about someone harming them.

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We also need to be regularly asking safety questions when our kids have been out of our care: What did you do at your friend’s house? What kind of things did you talk about? Was there anything that you really enjoyed or that made you uncomfortable? Were brothers or sisters or anyone else in the home? If we take time to have regular conversations with our children, we will more easily be able to educate them and detect if they have been harmed or are in danger.

If your child has already been abused, you need to be available to talk about it and find a biblical counselor who can point your child to Jesus and show you how to walk alongside through the healing process. In retrospect, had I learned these things as a child, my sexual assault as a teen may have been prevented.

It’s About Jesus

First John 1:7–9 says: “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

I needed to confess, journal, and talk with Jesus, Mark, and godly, safe, wise Christian women about the sins I committed and the sins committed against me. This would keep me from hiding in shame and teach me to walk in the light. As daughters of Eve, we all have the propensity to put on fig leaves to cover our sin, but God calls us out so we can have honest fellowship with Him and others.

A few years into this, I now think redemption is always an opportunity in front of me, and my fears and “victim identity” are becoming a part of my past. There has been so much fruit that has come from the pain of healing that it has caused me to have more faith and hope in Jesus than ever before. I have shared my story and God’s faithfulness with many women who struggle with sexual assault. If God can use anything in my story to help other women in their marriages, I will share whatever He asks. It doesn’t mean it isn’t still painful at times, especially to hear other stories, but I’m so thankful that God has removed my shame and has replaced it with His righteousness! I don’t have to worry about what other people might say about me; rather, I get to tell people about Jesus! It’s about Jesus, not me.

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a Ps. 34:18 NIV.

a James 1:5–8.

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THE PORN PATH

Whoever looks at a woman