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To work together, if either or both of you have carved paths toward death, you need to fight against sin and for holiness. There are a number of weapons available for this battle.22

You must think in terms of legacy. More than just a good time, you should seek a good legacy. Who do you want your sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters to marry? How do you want them to treat others and be treated sexually? How you behave today sets in motion a future for sexual freedom or slavery, life or death—a future not only for your life but also for the generations that will follow in your wake. Keeping this in mind will help your theology conquer your biology for the sake of your legacy.

Grace has still never seen pornography, and we pray the same for each of our children. If you are like Grace and are without any pornographic exposure, we implore you to continue to avoid it. Thankfully, I was never addicted to pornography, and it has not been an issue in our relationship. For those who, like me, have seen porn, we encourage you to do whatever is necessary to put that sin to death and walk in the freedom and forgiveness that Jesus gives.

* * *

a E.g., Prov. 6:25; Job 31:1; Matt. 5:28; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:5; 1 Peter 4:3.

b Ex. 20:14.

c Ex. 20:17.

a Prov. 23:26–27; 1 Cor. 6:15–16.

a 1 John 1:8.

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9

SELFISH LOVERS AND SERVANT LOVERS

Whoever desires to become great among

you shall be your servant.

—MARK 10:43

Their honeymoon was quite a disappointment.

He was very excited to finally be married and have regular sexual intercourse. She was a virgin on their wedding night and had grown up in a fairly religious home where sex was viewed as moderately gross. She had some anxiety regarding their first night together that made her body tense up as they attempted to consummate their marriage. As a result, they were unable to experience intercourse and without putting in too much effort to overcome their obstacle, she instead gave him a helping hand before falling asleep.

He was very disappointed but assumed that in time things would improve. Sadly, they did not. The first months of their marriage were spent with her rarely, if ever, initiating sexually. He felt embarrassed that his wife had so little sexual interest in him, and was further embarrassed that they had intercourse so infrequently that she usually experienced discomfort, as her body had not adjusted to being sexually active. And the helping hands continued—for years.

Eventually she wanted to have a baby. Suddenly she did begin initiating sexually and could be intimate. But it was only when her fertility chart said she was ovulating, which made him feel more as if he were being used for medical purposes than loved for marital purposes. When we met, she seemed surprised to hear that she was selfish.

Are you best described as a servant or as selfish?1

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We live in an age that is dominated by a service economy. We pay people to serve us. The richer, and more powerful and famous we become, the more we are able to be served and the less required to serve. In summary, our aim is to be served and not to serve.

Jesus Christ’s life on earth was countercultural in that He did not use His position, power, or prestige to be served. Instead, He came to serve. Jesus actually said He “did not come to be served, but to serve.”a The greatest person who has ever lived is the greatest servant. Furthermore, He taught us how to be great. The Bible records a curious series of events where disciples of Jesus wanted to know how to be the greatest. Rather than rebuking them, Jesus taught them, saying, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”b Jesus also said, “Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant.”c

The principle of valuing servants and welcoming the lowly position of servant is vital for all of life. But perhaps being a servant is most important in marriage.

The biggest barrier to embracing our roles as humble servants is pride. Without humility