Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [84]
Sure, the naked people you like looking at are hot . . . but so is hell. Titus 2:11–12 says, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age.”
You must submit to God the Holy Spirit. The same presence and power of God the Holy Spirit who enabled Jesus Christ to resist every temptation,resides in every Christian. By His power, you can overcome sexual sin. This includes heeding His conviction, reading the Bible He inspired, attending a church that follows Him, and living in community with Spirit-filled believers. First Thessalonians 4:3–8 says,
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; . . . For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.
It is the Holy Spirit who gives us desires that are deeper and stronger than sinful desires. Thus, a holy life is the most passionate life that does not settle for petty things like sexual sin but rather passionately pursues the glory of God in all things. Galatians 5:16–24 says,
Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh . . . adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry . . . revelries, and the like . . . those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
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You must practice sexual contentment. Proverbs 5:18–19 says,
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
Sex is a part of your life, but it is not your life. If you allow sex to become your life, you will compare your spouse’s appearance and performance to other people in general, and sinful people in particular, thereby becoming dissatisfied. This opens the door to temptation. To close the door, you must frequently seek evidences of God’s grace to you through your spouse. Spend more time thanking God for what you have from your spouse than you do picking at what she or he does not have or give, and your attraction toward and satisfaction with your spouse will increase.
You must carve a new path and avoid old ruts. If your history includes such things as porn, the worst thing you can do is bring along your spouse on your path to death by having her or him watch porn with you, tolerate you watching porn alone, or relusting porn images in your mind when together. Instead, the two of you need to carve a new path together. Some men I (Mark) have counseled have such a porn rut hardwired in their brains that they cannot even maintain an erection with their wives unless porn is involved, also known as “porn impotence.” A couple wanting to get beyond sin to oneness needs to work together in the forging of a new neural pathway through holy sex. William J. Struthers, an expert on this, said,
Each time that an unhealthy sexual pattern is repeated, a neurological, emotional and spiritual erosion carves out a channel that will eventually develop into a canyon from which there is no escape.
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But if this corrupted pathway can be avoided, a new pathway can be formed. We can establish a healthy sexual pattern where the flow is redirected toward holiness rather than corrupted intimacy. By intentionally redirecting neurochemical flow, the path toward right thinking becomes the preferred