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Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The biblical pattern for Christian marriage is free and frequent sex. The exception is when the couple agree that for valid reasons and a needed season they will abstain from free and frequent sexual activity to prayerfully devote themselves to a critical matter in the marriage. Examples include such things as spouses suffering from injuries or illnesses to such a degree that they cannot be intimate, or the tragic event of an adultery from which the couple is seeking to reconcile but are emotionally raw.

When there are not extenuating circumstances governing seasons of sexual abstention, there is an opening for Satan to tempt the husband or wife or both. Such temptations include bitterness, sinful lust, and emotional or physical adultery. While such sinful actions are never excusable, it is nevertheless true that wisdom dictates we do all we can to serve our spouses and reduce the opportunities the Enemy has to attack our marriages. For a stark picture of what this looks like, the next time you and your spouse are lying in bed angry, bitter, and physically distant, with your backs turned toward each other, imagine Satan himself sleeping in the open space between the two of you.

One of the most common questions we receive from couples is, “How often should we have sex of some kind?” In asking this question, some couples are wanting to find out what is normal and how they stack up in comparison. Other couples ask this question because they are at an impasse, and one spouse thinks the other is a sex fiend and the other thinks that spouse is a cold fish. The Bible does not give the number of times in an average week a typical couple should have sex. More than four hundred years ago, the Protestant Reformer Martin Luther counseled married couples to have sex “twice a week, hundred four a year.”5 What we can tell you is that most surveys and reports state that the number varies by age, as elderly couples have less sex than younger couples. Studies reveal that decreased sexual activity and interest begins in the first two years of marriage.6

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Married couples in the United States are mostly having sex on a weekly basis when people of all ages are factored together, with the older couples having less sex than younger ones. Protestants and Catholic couples reflect similar percentages of sexual frequency, with fundamentalist Protestant couples being the most sexually active, followed by moderate, then liberal orientations.7 Those curious about more specific data regarding sexual frequency among married couples will find that information in appendix V in the e-book and also on our website, www.pastormark.tv.

Accurate data on married sexual behavior by religious orientation is nearly impossible to obtain because the research has simply not been done. The most comprehensive study in the last twenty years—conducted in 1994—showed that evangelical Protestant adults reported the highest frequency of sex, the highest levels of satisfaction with sex, and the lowest frequency of oral and anal sex. Moreover, they were more likely to have had only one sex partner in the previous year.8

The younger a couple, as a general rule, the more sex they have. One study reported that couples under the age of twenty-four had a mean frequency of sex about 132 times a year, which is about 11 times per month, or once every 2–3 days.9 Another more recent report said, “Married people under thirty have sex about 111 times a year” which is about 9 times a month, or 2–3 times a week.10