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• Wrong perspective of the body. A medical and not sexual view of the body accounts for infrequent sex in some marriages. If one or both of you view your bodies primarily in medical and clinical terms, then it may be difficult for you to also enjoy and explore your body and your spouse’s body sexually.

• Boredom. Monotony accounts for many a lackluster sex life. Without a bit of passion, exploration, and variation, sex with the same person the same way every day for decades is going to become boring. So a humble servant does research and finds new ways to take some risks, get out of the sexual rut, and increase the adventure. Honestly, are you bored with your sex life?

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Being Visually Generous

People who are visual are keenly observant of what they see, and their minds function like cameras, continually taking snapshots and filing images away in their memory. Nearly all men are visual, to differing degrees. About 25 percent of women are visual. In an effort to serve as a “translator” for women, one Christian wife and researcher wrote a book explaining to wives how their husbands are different from them.20 She devoted an entire chapter of her book to explaining people who are visual.21

Visual people cannot help but notice a beautiful person, but it does not mean they prefer someone else to their spouses. They involuntarily file snapshots of beautiful people, and their files are filled with images stretching back to childhood, which can show up without warning. Our world continually assaults our eyes with sexually beautiful images. As an example, men derive physical pleasure from the simple act of seeing a beautiful woman, which explains why companies continually put beautiful women in ads with their products.

If you are visual, or married to someone who is, this fact can be discouraging. But temptation and sin are different. Hebrews 4:15 speaks of the temptation of the sinless Jesus Christ: “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Temptation is not a sin. Rather, it is an opportunity to sin, and also an opportunity to bring “every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”a This means that visual spouses are in a very real battle every moment of every day.

But it is important to know that this fact can be a great ally to our marriages. Be a visually generous spouse, using your spouse’s visual propensity to your advantage and your spouse’s pleasure. Instead of fighting with your spouse, fight for him or her, and provide lots of redeemed images. Make love with the lights on, or by candlelight. Sleep together naked. Undress in front of your spouse. Bathe in front of your spouse. “Flash” your spouse around the house. Pull the curtains and hang out in your house naked. Dress in clothes that fit and flatter your figure or build. Have a mirror hung near your bed. And keeping an eye on weight and working toward wellness is always appreciated. A loving spouse does not expect perfection, but does appreciate a sincere effort made by a wife or husband who seeks to eat well and exercise.

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But some will ask, is this something the Bible teaches? Yes.

In the Song of Songs there is an ancient, roughly three-thousand-year-old report of a wise wife being incredibly visually generous with her husband. In the NIV, the most erotic section of the entire Bible begins speaking of the “dance of Mahanaim.” One theologian said, “She will now dance nakedly and seductively.”22 The dance of Mahanaim is most likely an exotic private striptease she performed for her husband. Mahanaim is the town at which a host of angels met Jacob, which may mean the husband is telling his lovely wife that she is like an angel to him.23 Aggressive and confident, she enticed her husband by using all her beauty and charm to allure him. Her boldness may have come from him constantly verbalizing his attraction to her which has allowed her