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In the late 1970s, Patrick Carnes, a psychologist and researcher, was instrumental in the initial identification and treatment of sexual addiction as a condition. Carnes’s list of criteria for sexual addiction is helpful for people to consider against their own lives and the lives of those they know who are potentially sexually enslaved:

• A pattern of out-of-control behavior

• Severe consequences because of sexual behavior

• Inability to stop despite negative consequences

• Severe mood changes around sexual behavior

• Persistent pursuit of high-risk behaviors

• Ongoing effort to stop or limit behaviors

• Inordinate amounts of time spent on sexual matters

• Increasing amounts of sexual experiences

• Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping tool1

Sex addicts have no comprehension of the risks they are taking and have completely lost both perspective and control. To deal with the pain, the addict may resort to other addictions, such as alcoholism, eating disorders, and abusive drugs. Many times suicide is a constant thought. Or the addicts will punish themselves by engaging in sexual acts that are degrading.

Clinically speaking, sexual addiction has many different forms: compulsive masturbation, sex with prostitutes, anonymous sex with multiple partners, multiple affairs outside a committed relationship, habitual exhibitionism, habitual voyeurism, inappropriate sexual touching, repeated sexual abuse of children, and episodes of rape. Of all forms of sexual addiction, none is more harmful to both the addict and the victim than childhood sexual abuse. The beginnings of sexual addiction are usually rooted in adolescence or childhood. More than 80 percent of sexual addicts were abused in their childhood.2

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One of the leading Christian psychologists has also connected adrenaline and sex as a cause for sexual addiction. He said,

The risky, novel, or taboo action causes adrenaline to rush—just ask a bungee jumper, parachutist, hang glider, or other thrill-seeking person. When it comes to sex, some men [and women] try to get this adrenaline rush as intense as possible while having a sexual high. This produces a double excitement. The problem is, it only works for a short period of time. You get used to it, so that one particular type of thrill no longer excites you. You have to move on to something even riskier.3

This explains why some people constantly want to push the sexual edge into areas that are taboo, dangerous, risky, dirty, painful, and public. The combination of the adrenaline high and sexual pleasure should not be fed, but instead must be mitigated with contentment in normal marital sex and ceasing from all activities that bring an adrenaline rush to sex, meaning professional help may be needed.

Before we turn to what the Bible says about common sexual questions, one thing is important to note. Throughout this book in general, the next few chapters in particular, we are explaining what a married couple may do, not what they must do. The Bible often gives more freedom than our consciences can accept, and we then choose not to use all our freedoms. This is true of us (Mark and Grace); we do not do everything that is mentioned in this book or the ensuing chapters, although we are free in Christ to do so if our consciences should ever change. Those wanting more detailed analysis on the frequency of various sexual practices will find it in appendix V of the e-book and on our website www.pastormark.tv.

Admittedly, the remainder of this chapter has some technical data, but, we believe it is very important to show that we are not being gratuitous in answering certain questions but rather addressing what is reality for many people. The data shows the sexual generation gap and why many churches and Christian ministries are out of touch on sexual issues. It also reveals the effects porn has had on sexual behavior, particularly for younger people, and what is “common” behavior among the the “average” person. And, it provides pastors, ministry