Reality Matters_ 19 Writers Come Clean About the Shows We Can't Stop Watching - Anna David [67]
“So here’s my idea: Beat Your Idol. It’ll be huge.”
“What happens?”
“We find someone who’s a big fan of like a pop star or an actor. And then they get to beat them.”
“Beat them at what? A singing contest?”
“You mean beat them with what. They can use whatever they want. Like a riding crop or a steel chain or a pistol. Or whatever. It’ll make them realize that they shouldn’t look up to other people, and they can just—”
“Meredith, can you call security?”
“Let me just throw out some other ideas. Really quickly. I’m sure one of these will resonate with you. John and Kate Plus Eighteen, where they get back together and adopt some Chinese babies? Project Runaway, like a nationwide search for the most fashionable homeless person?”
“Meredith!”
“Gary Coleman Modeling Agency? Extremist Makeover? Dancing with Condoleezza Rice? Big People, Little Beds? Survivor: Compton? Last Meerkat Standing? The Rapist Whisperer?”
“Sir, you’re going to have to come with us.”
“Okay, okay. One second. Who Wants to Bang My Wife? I’m in a Coma, Get Me Out of Here? Let me go. I can walk out on my own. Real Housewives of Kabul? Amazing Drunk-Driving Race? Ouch. So You Think You Can Deep Throat? Catharine MacKinnon of Love? You’re crumpling my treatment. Paying Taxes with the Stars? Rush Limbaugh’s My New BFF? Hey, there’s no need to be so rough. I Wanna Work for the Green River Killer? Seriously, that hurt. Who Wants to Marry A Bald Broke TV Writer Who Lives with His Mom? So. Wait. When can I expect a call back?”
He never called. I tried to reach him a few times a day for several years afterward. The guy was probably too busy stealing my ideas. This kind of thing would never happen to Dog the Bounty Hunter.
CONTRIBUTORS
John Albert grew up in Los Angeles. As a teenager, he co-founded the cross-dressing death rock band Christian Death, then played drums for seminal punk band Bad Religion. He has written for the Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, BlackBook, Fader, and Hustler, among others. He has won awards for sports and arts journalism and has appeared in several national anthologies. His book, Wrecking Crew (Scribner), which chronicled the true-life adventures of his amateur baseball team—comprised of drug addicts, transvestites, and washed-up rock stars—has been optioned by studios three times so far.
Austin Bunn is a journalist, fiction writer, and playwright. His work has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, The Village Voice, One Story, Best American Science and Nature Writing, Best American Fantasy, Pushcart Prize 2010, and many magazines now dead to him. His screenplay Kill Your Darlings is being produced by Killer Films. He teaches writing at Grand Valley State University in Michigan.
Melissa de la Cruz is the New York Times and USA Today best-selling author of many books for teens, including the Au Pairs series, the Blue Bloods series, the Ashleys series, Angels on Sunset Boulevard, and Girl Stays in the Picture. She has written for The New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Allure, Marie Claire, Seventeen, Teen Vogue, and Cosmogirl. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.
Jancee Dunn is the author of the 2006 memoir But Enough About Me, the 2008 novel Don’t You Forget About Me, and the 2009 collection of humorous essays, Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo? She writes regularly for The New York Times, Vogue, and O, The Oprah Magazine (in which she has a monthly ethics column titled “Now What Do I Do?”)
James Frey is originally from Cleveland. He lives in New York. His work has been published in thirty-two languages.
Amelie Gillette is a staff writer for The A.V. Club, The Onion’s semi-serious entertainment section, where she writes the popular pop culture blog and column “The Hater,” as well as “The Tolerability Index.” She lives in Brooklyn.
Will Leitch is the author of four books, Life as a Loser (2003), Catch (2005), God Save the Fan (2008), and a book about baseball and fatherhood set to be released in May 2010. He is a contributing editor at New York magazine and