Redgauntlet [86]
causes, man. By the Regiam, there is not a REMEDIUM JURIS in the practiques but ye'll find a spice o't. Here's to your getting weel through with it--Pshut--I am drinking naked spirits, I think. But if the heathen he ower strong, we'll christen him with the brewer' (here he added a little small beer to his beverage, paused, rolled his eyes, winked, and proceeded),--'Mr. Fairford--the action of assault and battery, Mr. Fairford, when I compelled the villain Plainstanes to pull my nose within two steps of King Charles's statue, in the Parliament Close--there I had him in a hose-net. Never man could tell me how to shape that process--no counsel that ever selled mind could condescend and say whether it were best to proceed by way of petition and complaint, AD VINDICTAM PUBLICAM, with consent of his Majesty's advocate, or by action on the statute for battery PENDENTE LITE, whilk would be the winning my plea at once, and so getting a back-door out of court.--By the Regiam, that beef and brandy is unco het at my heart--I maun try the ale again' (sipped a little beer); 'and the ale's but cauld, I maun e'en put in the rest of the brandy.'
He was as good as his word, and proceeded in so loud and animated a style of elocution, thumping the table, drinking and snuffing alternately, that my father, abandoning all attempts to interrupt him, sat silent and ashamed, suffering, and anxious for the conclusion of the scene.
'And then to come back to my pet process of all--my battery and assault process, when I had the good luck to provoke him to pull my nose at the very threshold of the court, whilk was the very thing I wanted--Mr. Pest, ye ken him, Daddie Fairford? Old Pest was for making it out HAMESUCKEN, for he said the court might be said--said--ugh!--to be my dwelling-place. I dwell mair there than ony gate else, and the essence of hamesucken is to strike a man in his dwelling-place--mind that, young advocate--and so there's hope Plainstanes may be hanged, as many has for a less matter; for, my lords,--will Pest say to the Justiciary bodies,-- my lords, the Parliament House is Peebles' place of dwelling, says he--being COMMUNE FORUM, and COMMUNE FORUM EST COMMUNE DOMICILIUM--Lass, fetch another glass of and score it--time to gae hame--by the practiques, I cannot find the jug--yet there's twa of them, I think. By the Regiam, Fairford--Daddie Fairford --lend us twal pennies to buy sneeshing, mine is done--Macer, call another cause.'
The box fell from his hands, and his body would at the same time have fallen from the chair, had not I supported him.
'This is intolerable,' said my father--'Call a chairman, James Wilkinson, to carry this degraded, worthless, drunken beast home.'
When Peter Peebles was removed from this memorable consultation, under the care of an able-bodied Celt, my father hastily bundled up the papers, as a showman, whose exhibition has miscarried, hastes to remove his booth. 'Here are my memoranda, Alan,' he said, in a hurried way; 'look them carefully over--compare them with the processes, and turn it in your head before Tuesday. Many a good speech has been made for a beast of a client; and hark ye, lad, hark ye--I never intended to cheat you of your fee when all was done, though I would have liked to have heard the speech first; but there is nothing like corning the horse before the journey. Here are five goud guineas in a silk purse--of your poor mother's netting, Alan--she would have been a blithe woman to have seen her young son with a gown on his back--but no more of that--be a good boy, and to the work like a tiger.'
I did set to work, Darsie; for who could resist such motives? With my father's assistance, I have mastered the details, confused as they are; and on Tuesday I shall plead as well for Peter Peebles as I could for a duke. Indeed, I feel my head so clear on the subject as to be able to write this long letter to you; into which, however, Peter and his lawsuit have insinuated themselves so far as to show you how much they at present occupy my thoughts. Once more, be careful of
He was as good as his word, and proceeded in so loud and animated a style of elocution, thumping the table, drinking and snuffing alternately, that my father, abandoning all attempts to interrupt him, sat silent and ashamed, suffering, and anxious for the conclusion of the scene.
'And then to come back to my pet process of all--my battery and assault process, when I had the good luck to provoke him to pull my nose at the very threshold of the court, whilk was the very thing I wanted--Mr. Pest, ye ken him, Daddie Fairford? Old Pest was for making it out HAMESUCKEN, for he said the court might be said--said--ugh!--to be my dwelling-place. I dwell mair there than ony gate else, and the essence of hamesucken is to strike a man in his dwelling-place--mind that, young advocate--and so there's hope Plainstanes may be hanged, as many has for a less matter; for, my lords,--will Pest say to the Justiciary bodies,-- my lords, the Parliament House is Peebles' place of dwelling, says he--being COMMUNE FORUM, and COMMUNE FORUM EST COMMUNE DOMICILIUM--Lass, fetch another glass of and score it--time to gae hame--by the practiques, I cannot find the jug--yet there's twa of them, I think. By the Regiam, Fairford--Daddie Fairford --lend us twal pennies to buy sneeshing, mine is done--Macer, call another cause.'
The box fell from his hands, and his body would at the same time have fallen from the chair, had not I supported him.
'This is intolerable,' said my father--'Call a chairman, James Wilkinson, to carry this degraded, worthless, drunken beast home.'
When Peter Peebles was removed from this memorable consultation, under the care of an able-bodied Celt, my father hastily bundled up the papers, as a showman, whose exhibition has miscarried, hastes to remove his booth. 'Here are my memoranda, Alan,' he said, in a hurried way; 'look them carefully over--compare them with the processes, and turn it in your head before Tuesday. Many a good speech has been made for a beast of a client; and hark ye, lad, hark ye--I never intended to cheat you of your fee when all was done, though I would have liked to have heard the speech first; but there is nothing like corning the horse before the journey. Here are five goud guineas in a silk purse--of your poor mother's netting, Alan--she would have been a blithe woman to have seen her young son with a gown on his back--but no more of that--be a good boy, and to the work like a tiger.'
I did set to work, Darsie; for who could resist such motives? With my father's assistance, I have mastered the details, confused as they are; and on Tuesday I shall plead as well for Peter Peebles as I could for a duke. Indeed, I feel my head so clear on the subject as to be able to write this long letter to you; into which, however, Peter and his lawsuit have insinuated themselves so far as to show you how much they at present occupy my thoughts. Once more, be careful of