Second Chance - Jane Green [144]
The best thing she ever did, her greatest moment, was spending the afternoon at Dream Beds Superstore and choosing her own mattress, her own bed.
Of course the worst thing she did, she now realizes, was buy a king size. When she was married, she couldn’t think of having anything smaller than a king, just in case she should wake up in the middle of the night and become aware of Marcus. Now, though, she wishes the bed was smaller, wishes she could cuddle up to Jonathan, finds herself frequently waking up squeezed against him in the middle of the bed, his arm across her chest, her legs across his.
Jonathan. Ah Jonathan. Just thinking about him, she smiles. I love him, she whispers to herself over and over as she goes about her day, delighting in the joy of loving, of having found someone who not only adores her, but who she, in turn, adores.
He is her neighbour, three doors up. Such a cliché, she smiles to herself, too good to be true. He came and introduced himself on the day she moved in, returning twenty minutes later with his toolbox to put up shelves, pictures, flat-pack furniture for the kids’ rooms that had been delivered from Ikea.
She thought he was lovely, but nothing else… perhaps just a smattering of intrigue. He has two children, the same ages as Daisy and Oliver, who are with him every other weekend and one night during the week. They started doing things together at the weekends, just because both were lonely, and the kids liked one another.
She didn’t think about him other than to think how much she liked seeing him when she did, and soon she would look for his car as she returned home. When she heard his voice on her answerphone, she would smile – there was something about him that made her feel good. Happy.
It has been five months since they kissed. They had both been in to kiss Daisy and Abigail goodnight – Abigail was having her first sleepover – and as they stood outside the door in the darkened corridor, smiling at each other as they listened to their girls happily chatting away, Jonathan kissed her.
Five months on, it has been five months of the happiest, healthiest relationship Holly has ever had – a relationship that surpasses anything she might have dreamt of. She is constantly astounded by their kindness to each other, the sense that each of them values the other, and the appreciation they have for one another.
This, she finally realizes, after all these years, is love.
She remembers with shame her marriage to Marcus. Because however awful he might have been, she played a large part as well. She was guilty too. Holly was never kind to him. Never treated him gently or carefully. Choosing instead to engage in a battle of words and wits until she didn’t have the strength to continue, and withdrew.
These days she has never felt so peaceful. So safe. And watching Saffron with Pearce, Holly can see echoes of her own relationship with Jonathan. She can see that despite what the newspapers may report about Saffron and Pearce, despite what the outside world sees, and the difficult start to this relationship, they have what she has with Jonathan, and it is only because of her own marriage to Marcus that she knows how rare and precious this is.
‘I am so happy for you,’ she reaches over and whispers into Saffron’s ear. ‘You deserve this, my darling.’ And Saffron squeezes her hand and nods. For the first time in her life, she does think she deserves this. She thinks she is good enough. She deserves to be in this wonderful relationship with this wonderful man.
‘So how do you find single motherhood?’ Holly turns to Olivia, who rolls her eyes at the question then laughs it off.
‘It’s amazing,’ she says. ‘Exhausting. But amazing. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Tommy. I never thought I could do