Second Chance - Jane Green [145]
‘And how is Fred doing?’
‘He’s actually been fantastic. After I told him, he wanted to get involved. I never asked anything of him, but he’s been right next to me the whole time.’
‘Is he still coming over every few weeks?’ Paul asks.
‘He’s over every month, and talking about coming over more.’
‘And things are okay? I mean, are you two…’ Holly doesn’t want to pry too much.
‘No, we’re not. And it’s fine. I know to other people it looks weird, but we’ve made a decision to co-parent and to raise Tommy together even though we’re not together. I have to say, I wouldn’t recommend falling pregnant with someone you barely know, but in this case Fred’s really come through.’
‘I guess Tom didn’t do so badly with his choice after all.’ Saffron smiles.
‘He obviously saw things I couldn’t,’ Olivia says as Anna walks back in, shushing everyone as she parks a buggy containing a sleeping baby by the door.
It is strange for Anna to think that there was a time when she wouldn’t have been able to take a friend’s baby for a walk without feeling inadequate or being eaten up with jealousy. Without thinking of everything in life she was missing, instead of everything in life she is lucky to have.
There is indeed something large missing from her life since we last saw her. Fashionista.uk.net was sold several months ago to a huge public company, Anna retaining a role as consultant and getting paid far more money than she could ever have dreamt of.
She didn’t do it for the money. She did it because she realized that Fashionista had been her baby for too long and that the stress of running it was probably contributing to her problems in getting pregnant. She wanted to stop, to jump off the conveyor belt and see what it was like to be a real person again.
Of course somewhere in the back of her mind was that secret, nudging hope that as soon as she left she would fall pregnant – it happens all the time to other people, so why not her?–but seven months later she is not pregnant nor has she contemplated another course of IVF, even though these days they can certainly afford it.
What she has done, these last seven months, is to find herself again. She has taken up Pilates and yoga. Has learnt to cook wonderful meals for herself and Paul and has taken seriously her role as Tommy’s godmother.
For the first time in years, Anna is accepting her life as it is. She read somewhere recently that the key to happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get, and she smiled when she read it. She was able to think of all the things she has – all the good in her life and all the people around her whom she loves – and, all of a sudden, she knew that she was whole and complete, and that it is enough.
The whole room is crying. Tears of joy, the joy that comes when you know, you absolutely know, that two people who are supposed to have found each other have found each other and are not about to let the other go.
Pearce stands and clears his throat, so handsome in his dinner jacket, better-looking than even he has a right to be, and he speaks of the reasons he loves Saffron. He speaks of being the best man he can possibly be when he is with her, of the gifts she has given him, and of the ease and serenity he feels every day when he wakes up and knows she is by his side.
‘Most of you know,’ he says, safe in this room of family and close friends, ‘that my situation before was quite different. I didn’t know it could be like this. I didn’t know it was possible to be this contented and this calm. I feel as though my Higher Power has graced me with a second chance, and given me this incredible opportunity to have a new beginning.
‘I thought it was too late. I thought I didn’t have the right to be happy. I had everything you’re supposed to want in life – movies, money, marriage – and I didn’t think I had the right to think that there could be more. I was so ashamed at wanting more, at feeling that those things were not enough.