Second Chance - Jane Green [64]
Then there was his success in business. Not that I ever wanted what Tom had – the suits and the business meetings and the ties… the conventional life, which fills me with horror, but I always felt safe with Tom, always trusted his advice because he always seemed to know where he was going, and I have less than no idea what I am doing from one day to the next, let alone for the rest of my life.
So I have wondered what I would leave, and the answer is not much. I never thought that bothered me, but all of a sudden it does. Not that I’m going to do anything stupid like get married to the first girl who captures my heart (although if you’re interested in divorcing Marcus and making an honest man out of me, do let me know!), but Tom’s death has made me think, for the first time, that maybe I should settle down a bit. Get a mortgage. Find a girl I could love. Maybe have a couple of kids.
I can’t even believe I’m writing this! It does feel good, being able to ‘talk’ to someone about this. I suppose it is true what they say after all – so much easier to write your feelings down than talk about them. I think if I ever said any of this stuff out loud, they’d put me in the loony bin.
Hope you are having a peaceful day and that you have got your little monkeys to bed. I’d love to see photos of them—do they look like you? I’m imagining Daisy as, naturally, a mini-Holly – I know she’s younger than you were when I first met you, but I still remember you as this exotic bohemian creature, and I am hoping Daisy has inherited that. Unfairly I see Oliver as being a mini-Marcus, and I only say unfairly because I hope he isn’t as serious or as stuffy as I’ve heard Marcus is.
Love,
Will
To: Will
From: Holly
01/12/06 4:09:28 AM
Subject: Re: Friends
Will —
I have always wondered who ‘they’ are. ‘They’ do seem to say an awful lot, and they do seem to be right a lot of the time, so if you ever come across ‘them’, do let me know – would love to say hello…
I ought to be fast asleep, but find these days that I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m done for. Recently I’ve been coming up to my studio – a quiet place to read, have a cup of tea or surf around reading inane gossip on the Internet, but how lovely to have received your email and lovelier still to have some peace and quiet to send back a proper response.
My day yesterday was quite peaceful, since you asked. The monkeys went to bed early, and I was able to sink into a hot bath with a glass of wine, then crawl into bed. As far as I’m concerned, a good night is going to bed by nine, and a great night is going to bed by eight. Tonight was a great night. I have to say I do love it when Marcus travels around the country for trials – I can do whatever I want whenever I want, although it occurs to me, writing to a young, energetic, childless whippersnapper such as yourself, that you probably think I am deeply boring, going to bed at such an unseasonably and unreasonably early hour.
Yes, well. You’re probably right.
And you made me laugh saying I was exotic and bohemian. I never saw myself like that at all. I’m thinking it was those cheap Camden Lock Indian fringed skirts with little mirrors all over them that must have made me look bohemian. I have a very hard time picturing myself as anything other than a mum and wife these days. I like the word exotic too.
Am going to forward a joke after this – don’t normally forward those things and hope you don’t find the levity inappropriate, but this one made me laugh and I figure you could do with smiling a bit these days. I love that you felt able to unload to me – truly. I feel enormously honoured, happy that you said such sweet things and that I feel I have rediscovered a friend I didn’t know I had, and sad that this is all the result of such a tragedy.
To: Will
From: Holly
01/12/06