Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [49]
“Camera Two, going medium—standby.”
“And if you think about it, one seventy-nine is a very reasonable price when you consider how much this ring can offer you in terms of different looks. And of course, there’s the . . .”
“Wow, she’s really on tonight. I mean for somebody who was just told two hours ago that she had to fill in for Peggy Jean, she’s like, amazing,” Rob commented to the room, then wiped his pizza-mouth on the back of his hand.
“. . . spiritual importance, because as we all know, angels and the life beyond are all very important fashion trends. Now, let’s take a caller. Millie from San Francisco, welcome to Sellevision. Do you love this ring?”
“Oh yes, Trish. It’s beautiful. And I love what you were saying about angels, because I collect angels and love anything that has something to do with them.”
“That’s terrific, Millie. And this ring really does have a certain something about it.” Trish paused, stroking the jade stone of the ring. “It’s like wearing it, you can feel there’s something almost mystical about it, that it has an internal power.”
“Yeah, Trish, go, go go. We’re getting really limited, less than two hundred, so wind this up and let’s get on to the next thing.”
“Oh, my. I can’t wait to receive this ring. I mean, I can almost feel that energy you’re talking about over the television set, like there really is . . .”
Trish interrupted Millie from San Francisco. “I’m sorry Millie, but I’m going to have to say good-bye. The ring is just about sold out.” Then, holding up a delicate pearl ring, Trish asked, “Think pearls are just for grandmothers? Think again! I’m going to show you a brand-new pearl ring that’s going to change the way you think about pearls and glamour in general.”
eleven
Max took the elevator to the seventeenth floor reception of Goodby Silverstein Grey advertising and told the receptionist that he was there for a voice-over audition.
“And whom shall I call to inform that you’re here?” she asked pleasantly.
“Buzz Davidson.”
“Certainly, have a seat and I’ll inform Mr. Davidson of your arrival.”
Max walked over to one of the many black leather Knoll chairs and took a seat. The wall of floor-to-ceiling windows to his left presented a spectacular view of the Hudson River and uptown. The raw, unfinished ceiling with exposed pipes and electrical cables was a nice juxtaposition to the clean, highly polished wood floors. The place reeked of money. This made Max feel hopeful. Television commercials played silently on a large HDTV screen directly across from him. As he stared at the commercials, he thought back to his most recent conversation with Laurie.
“Well, he said that he felt you just really didn’t understand modern news, that you didn’t know how to ‘work’ a story.”
“Great. I don’t know how to ‘work’ a story, whatever the hell that means. So anything else? Did you get a hold of anybody at KRON in San Francisco?”
“I did, they’re only interested in serious journalists. You know, it’s the whole CNN, MSNBC thing. I mean, they’ve just made all the local stations panic. Now everybody needs a journalist. It’s a shame because that eliminates a lot of really attractive, charismatic people.”
“That’s so unfair,” Max agreed. “What happened with QVC? Did you call them?”
“Penis-thing is still too fresh. They said we could check back in a year.”
“Home Shopping?”
“Same story.”
“This is just awful, Laurie. I’m getting really depressed.”
“Look, Max. Commercial voice-over work pays a lot of money. We’ll get you some jobs, the money will start coming in, and pretty soon you’ll forget you were ever on Sellevision.”
“You think?” Max said, wanting to believe her.
“Of course. Ad agencies are just filthy rich. And they don’t care about controversy—in fact, they love it. Ad people are morally bankrupt. You’ll see.”
“Yeah, but . . .”
“Sweetie, I’ve got to run, I have a gazillion messages I have to return. Listen to me: You’ve only had two interviews so far. There are a lot