Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [5]
“If you love amethyst, or maybe your birthday is in February, amethyst being the February birthstone, or you just love the comfort of lever-back earrings and the color purple and you are a woman who appreciates a real stone presence, my first item just might be for you.”
The producers in the control room cut to a prerecorded beauty shot of the trillion-cut amethyst lever-back earrings.
Then they cut back to Peggy Jean who was smiling and holding a wooden ruler, the earrings displayed on a black velvet stand before her. “This is item number J-0415 and they are our trillion-cut amethyst lever-back earrings, priced at a very affordable forty-nine ninety-five. I just want to give you a measurement here,” Peggy Jean said while she continued to smile broadly, placing the ruler against one of the gemstone earrings.
Cut to a macro shot, Camera One. On the monitor, Peggy Jean’s fingers were each larger than a loaf of Wonder Bread as she positioned the ruler, displaying for the viewers at home that, “This is gonna measure about, well, a little more than eight-sixteenths of an inch across, and . . .” She measured the vertical. “. . . about one inch from top to bottom.” Her manicure was absolutely flawless.
In her ear, Peggy Jean heard her producer saying, “Peggy, these sold out the last time they were presented which was on . . . lemme see here, okay, back in October.”
Cut to medium shot of Peggy Jean. “Now, I just want to let you know, these earrings did sell out the last time they were presented, and that was way back in October. So it’s taken us a good seven months to get them back in stock.” Peggy Jean looked deep into the camera. “Keep in mind, the reason for this is because people actually have to go out and find the amethyst in nature, so that’s something to consider.” Gently tapping the stone with the tip of her nail, she informed the viewers, “These are absolutely beautiful earrings and they have a total gem weight of just over three carats, so that’s about one and a half carats per ear. And that’s a lot of stone.”
“Peggy, the rings are already moving, this could be a sellout, so push hard.”
“Let me just tell you, these earrings are extremely popular tonight. We could become very limited, so if you want these earrings, I’m just warning you not to wait.” A graphic appeared, counting the number of orders received. Quickly, it moved from 257 to over 500. The Teleprompter in front of Peggy Jean displayed: PHONE CALL. Marilyn . . . New Mexico . . . Purchased.
Off to the side of the Teleprompter, a gaffer scratched his crotch and took a sip from a can of Jolt cola.
“Let’s go right to the phones and say hello to Marilyn from New Mexico. Hi, Marilyn, and welcome to Sellevision.” Peggy Jean gazed pleasantly into the camera, as if she were sitting at a table across from a close friend. When no voice was heard, Peggy Jean tilted her head to the side and said, “Welcome, Marilyn. Are you there?”
“Oh yes, I’m here. Hello, Peggy Jean.” It was the voice of an older woman.
“Well hi, and welcome. Are you picking these up tonight for yourself, or as a gift?” Peggy Jean asked.
“Oh, for myself, I need a little pick-me-up,” the caller said, slightly down.
Peggy Jean beamed. “Well, good for you, sometimes we all need a little pick-me-up. Congratulations for ordering these beautiful, beautiful earrings. Do you have any idea where you’re going to wear them?”
“Oh yes,” the woman said, “I’m going to wear them”—silence, then—“I’m going