Seriously_.I'm Kidding - Ellen DeGeneres [38]
I don’t know if that’s right. And don’t even get me started on the ratings system. From what I understand, there’s a gentleman in a basement somewhere keeping track of who turns their televisions on between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. and he writes it down on a piece of lint and then, based on his annual report and opinion, shows get canceled or picked up.
Anyway, I just want to able to use the platform I have in front of millions of people around the world every day for good things. I want young girls to know that they should dream big and that if they put their minds to it they can accomplish anything. When I go out and do my show every day I’m thinking two things: Can I inspire someone today? And will my guests have good breath?
I always think of that James Brown song “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” when I think about girl power. I also think of the Spice Girls, which makes me think about spices, which makes me think about food, which makes me hungry, which makes me need to eat a sandwich every time that song comes on the radio.
I like James Brown but that song is so wrong. It’s not just a man’s, man’s, man’s world. It’s also a woman’s, woman’s, woman’s world. He sings that “man made the cars to take us over the road.” And that may be true, but what terrible driving visibility we would have on that road were it not for the woman who made the windshield wipers.
If you’re going to listen to that song then you should also listen to my personal anthem, “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves” as sung by one of the most brilliant songstresses of all time, Aretha Franklin. She sings about how sisters are not just stuck working in kitchens anymore. They’re now doctors, lawyers, and politicians. At first, I did think she was singing about one very talented family of sisters all doing wonderful things with their lives. Now, of course, I realize she meant sisters, as in all women.
Women can do stuff, too! And to whoever is listening to me or watching me or reading me, that is what I want to say. The world can benefit from more smart ladies. I like smart people. I assume most people do. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Boy, do I love idiots,” though I’m sure people have.
Maybe at some point we won’t have to break success down along gender lines. Maybe we won’t have to say a man did this or a woman invented that. Maybe we’ll just be able to say this wonderful, smart, creative person did something extraordinary and that will be that. But until then, I’m proud to be part of the sisters who are doin’ it for themselves.
Boredom
Do you ever just think, “I’m bored”? Maybe because we’re always moving at such a fast pace or because there are only so many Lifetime movies about perfect couples who aren’t actually perfect you can watch in one weekend, every once in a while when we’re sitting still we find ourselves thinking, “I’m really bored right now.” So here are some suggestions for things you can do when you get bored.
Clean my house.
Look at your pets. If you look at them long enough, you can almost figure out what they’re thinking. Usually it’s “Why has she been looking at me for so long? She must be really bored.”
Cut up fruit.
Sext.
Make a smoothie.
Volunteer.
Volunteer opinions to strangers.
Hitchhike.
Photograph geese.
Put on a blazer and pretend to be a docent at your local museum.
Ellen’s Guide to Gift Giving
It is better to give than to receive.
—Liars
Gift giving might be one of the most complicated things that exist