Shadow War - Deborah Chester [27]
“What other reason could you have to willingly pursue such a course of study?”
“I didn’t study sevaisin!” Caelan shouted. “I was born with it, just as I was born with severance.”
“No one has both!”
“I do!”
They glared at each other, both tight-lipped and pale. Agel’s eyes slowly widened. He looked increasingly alarmed.
At last, Caelan thought in satisfaction. He had managed to break through his cousin’s icy reserve. There was nothing like shock to destroy the harmony.
Agel’s gaze flickered toward the door.
“You can’t run and tell the elders,” Caelan said. “Traulanders are scarce in this city. There is no one to scourge me because of your accusations. There is no one to sever me or to put me out in the wilderness to wander. No one in Imperia cares. Half the citizens don’t believe in either sevaisin or severance. The rest follow observances that truly are abominations. The city is a melting pot of cultures and beliefs. You will have to get used to that.”
“What is to be done with you?” Agel said despairingly.
“Nothing. I am what I am.”
Agel frowned. He seemed to be trying to regain his composure, although he still looked shaken. “You are much changed in the years since we last saw each other. You have grown harsh and cynical. You jest about evil with an air of worldly sophistication. You commit unspeakable acts, then ask me to accept you. I used to think you would grow out of your rebelliousness and settle into a useful life. Instead, you kill for the amusement of others. You are an entertainer of the vilest kind. I cannot begin to comprehend what you are.”
Now it was Caelan’s turn to be made of stone. He stared at his cousin and felt only coldness. “It is time for you to go.”
Agel looked jolted. “My work is unfinished.”
“I don’t want you. Go.”
Agel’s expression smoothed into something tight and unreadable. “It is not a question of your choice. Your master has requested my services on your behalf. The fact that you are so difficult to heal is—”
“Tell him I’m too difficult. You’ve done all you can. Get out.”
“I will not lie. And I am not finished.”
“You are if I refuse you,” Caelan said, clenching his fists. His head was throbbing, and he was beginning to feel faintly nauseous. The pain came seeping back. “Go back to wherever you came from and stand there looking wise, mysterious, and foreign. I’ll take my chances with the arena physician.”
His harsh, sarcastic tone slid off Agel without effect. “I am newly appointed to the imperial court,” Agel said with a trace of pride. “The emperor gave his gracious permission that I should attend you. However undeserving, you have been honored, and I will not shirk my responsibilities no matter what private opinions I hold.”
Caelan frowned. He thought Agel had hurt him all that was possible. He realized how wrong he was. As long as he still cared for his cousin, he would go on being hurt again and again. “You really hate me, don’t you?”
“Hatred is the antithesis of balance,” Agel replied.
“All right, then. You’ve made yourself clear enough. You consider me a monster and an abomination. Not original, but then you always wanted to imitate my father. What do you feel, if not hatred?” He leaned forward and glared at Agel. “Fear?”
“Disappointment,” Agel said without flinching.
Caelan’s frown deepened. The anger in him deflated, leaving him hollow and tired. As a reunion, this was a nightmare. Lectures . .. disapproval... disappointment. It never changed. He’d been a fool to want to return to Trau. He told himself now he would never go back. As for Agel, there would be no future meetings with him if Caelan could help it.
Lifting his chin, Caelan squared himself and faced his cousin. “I, too, am disappointed,” he said, holding his voice hard to avoid giving away his emotions. “I thought, despite everything that has befallen us, we could still hold our friendship.”
Agel met his gaze. “You are the one who turned away from our friendship. We had everything planned together, but you ran away from Rieschelhold, putting yourself and everyone in jeopardy that night.