Shine - Lauren Myracle [80]
“But you missed,” I said to Tommy.
“Yes. I missed.” He stared at his hands, which were splayed on his thighs. “I got her in the lungs.”
I grimaced, knowing how bad it would have been. I’d been around cows and horses in pain, and I could see it in my mind: Rosie on her side, bellowing and rolling her white-walled eyes, blood foaming out of her mouth.
“Tommy put her out of her misery,” Bailee-Ann said. “He did it even though he was high, and something like that can mess with you big-time.”
“I had to climb through a barbed wire fence to get to her. My shirt got caught, so I left it behind,” Tommy said. “Smart, huh?”
“It was his football training jersey,” Bailee-Ann said, as if I kept track of Tommy’s wardrobe. “It was real nice, with his name on it and everything.”
“How tragic,” I said.
“I would have fessed up, regardless,” Tommy said.
“Uh-huh.”
“And I gave Ridings seven hundred dollars. I had to borrow part from Roy—“
“You had to borrow from Roy?” I said.
“But I paid him back.” His Adam’s apple jerked. “I suggested to Ridings that it would be better if he didn’t mention it. I’d, uh, appreciate it if you did the same.”
I said neither yes nor no to that request. I felt off balance. I’d waited a long time to have it out with Tommy, and now, when I finally was, the conversation kept going down paths I never saw coming. They all led to Tommy being sorry, and his regret threatened everything I’d built the last three years of my life on.
Bailee-Ann put her hand on my upper back, and when I didn’t resist, she rubbed small circles between my shoulder blades.
“There is nothing okay about what he did to you,” she said. She didn’t glance at Tommy or use his name. This was between the two of us as girls, and also because we used to be best friends. “But a long time’s passed since then.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “I’m not that guy.”
“Like hell, you aren’t!” I cried, my anger flaming up again.
“No. You’re misunderstanding. I was that guy, but . . .” His hands didn’t know what to do. They fluttered up and then down, an almost feminine gesture. “I don’t want to be that guy. I didn’t want to even when I was. And I’m not anymore. That’s what I’m saying.” His hands fell to his lap. “I sure do wish you’d believe me.”
I scowled. I could resist it all I wanted, but I did understand what he trying to explain. How sometimes the pieces of who you thought you were didn’t add up to who you really were, like with me not standing up for Patrick when he wore those pants. Like Jason calling me such a hateful name at the library, when in reality he was as sweet as sunshine.
It hurt to realize that Tommy was human and not a total monster after all. It hurt so much that my hands clenched, and I realized, with shock, that I was squeezing the trigger of Daddy’s pistol. It didn’t budge. It was rusted in place. It was useless.
Bailee-Ann was still rubbing my back, like the way I rubbed ointment into my daddy’s cracked feet. I twitched my shoulder to shake her off me. I studied Tommy’s face, noticing that the bruise around his eye had darkened since I’d arrived.
“You are nothing but an egg-sucking dog,” I told him. “You tormented Patrick all through high school. You stole his pants, for God’s sake, and left him practically naked in the bathroom. Why?”
Tommy didn’t have the guts to answer.
“That was a long time ago, too,” Bailee-Ann said.
“Not long enough,” I said.
Candypants is having his coming-out party, so step on up and take a look, Tommy had said. He don’t mind. Fags like being looked at, don’t they, Patrick? And I’ll be damned—here’s his girlfriend, right here in the flesh! Get on over here, Cat.”
I’d frozen in the hall. Tommy said, Whassat? No? Awww, she’s shy. Then the final nail in the coffin: Hey. Cat. Catch. You ain’t gonna get in his pants any other way.
In Tommy’s living room, I breathed hard. Tears pressed to get out, but no and no and no.
I faced Tommy dead on and finally just came out with it. “Did you attack Patrick