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"You’ll be keeping me off the streets."

Shouldn’t I shake it off?

"You’ll be saving my life. I’ll owe you a favor, and I never renege on a promise."

Wouldn’t they be able to tell that the pee came out of a girl?

"I can’t," I said, looking away.

Marcus got up and walked to the door. But before he left, he turned and said the most infuriating thing.

"I knew you wouldn’t do it."

I can’t even describe the fiery rage that came over me.

I was so tired of everyone telling me what I would and should and could do and not do. My parents. The Clueless Crew. Hy. And now Marcus. Anger that had been simmering inside me for months, years, my whole life, boiled over and spilled out all over Marcus.

"How do you know what I’ll do?"

The next thing I knew I was grabbing the yogurt container out of his hand and heading to the private bathroom to pee in it. And I did. Then I handed the warm cup back to him. He was standing there, silenced by this unexpected turn of events, not knowing what to do. Finally, he said, "I won’t narc on you."

Then, without saying another word, he walked out. I hyperventilated on the cot for the next twenty minutes, until the bell rang. When I walked into the main room of the nurse’s office, Marcus was nowhere to be seen.

I spent the rest of the day in a daze, worrying about whatever was going to happen to him—to me. I wondered how long it took to get results from a urine test. Maybe he peed on a stick and it instantly turned purple for pot, like a home pregnancy kit.

I waited for the cop cars to pull up in the parking lot, sirens wailing. I waited to see Marcus cuffed and kicking and screaming as they threw him in the back of the squad car to haul him off to Middlebury Clinic, one of the state’s best in-patient detox/treatment centers. I waited for everyone in the school to hear him screaming, "Don’t worry, Cuz! I won’t narc on you." For weeks, everyone would wonder who "Cuz" was.

But nothing happened.

I can still feel the heat of his hand on my knee.

the fifth

If it weren’t for this dream, I would’ve sworn I was wide awake all weekend.

I’m in the recovery room of the nurse’s office, sleeping on the cot. Only this time, I’ve left the light on. So when the door opens, I can see right away that it’s Paul Parlipiano.

He sits down next to me and says, "I need your help."

I say, "My help? Why do you need my help?"

Then he pulls a yogurt container out of the cuff of his khakis.

He says, "I need you to piss in this."

And I say, "No problem. I’ll do it."

Then he says, "If you do it, I promise to have sex with you."

Then I say, "No problem. I’ll do it."

And he says, "And I never renege on a promise."

So I say, "No problem. I’ll do it."

And though I don’t see myself do it, I guess I go for it.

Then Paul Parlipiano says, "Thanks. Now I’ll have sex with you," and he turns off the lights.

Then I guess we start having sex, though I don’t actually see us having sex.

A moment later, I hear a girl’s giggle and the sound of the doorknob turning. The lights flash on.

It’s Kelsey, laughing and pulling Scotty into the room by his hand. Though they don’t say it, I just know they were going in there to have sex.

Scotty sees me having sex and yells, "How could you screw Marcus Flutie?"

I scream, "But it’s Paul!"

Then I look into Paul Parlipiano’s face, only it isn’t Paul Parlipiano anymore. Scotty’s right. It’s Marcus Flutie.

Now that’s what I call a mindfuck.

Needless to say, I was a walking anxiety attack when I got to school. I’d had all weekend to worry about the Marcus thing and I was on the brink of a breakdown. I prayed that Marcus would show up in homeroom, because that meant that everything had worked out and that I wouldn’t get caught. Then I could finally stop feeling so psychotic.

An armada could’ve set sail on my sigh of relief when Marcus strolled past my desk in homeroom this morning.

Throughout the Pledge of Allegiance, attendance, and PA announcements, I looked over at him, hoping he’d make eye contact with me. But he just kept his head bent over his notebook