Sloppy Firsts_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [98]
Drunken Santa Clauses for
every gas station
And the latest in nativity scene technology:
"Hear the baby Jesus cry!"
Do genuine kisses exist
in a world of plastic mistletoe?
Merry xmas ’00
the twenty-fifth
Bethany and G-Money have already departed, barely twelve hours after their arrival—eight of which were spent sleeping. They’re headed for the airport, where they will hop on a plane to Turks and Caicos, where they will be staying with G-Money’s family through New Year’s Day.
Bethany neglected to tell my parents this until after we had opened each other’s presents and were about to sit down for breakfast. Nat King Cole crooned. The house smelled of pine needles and cinnamon buns. The tree twinkled. Everyone was warm with holiday cheer, so it was the perfect moment for Bethany to Grinch it up.
Upon hearing the news, my father grabbed his coat, bolted to the garage, and hopped on his bike, muttering Goddammits under his breath. G-Money just sat at the kitchen table, useless as usual. This left me alone to deal with my mother.
"I can’t believe you, Bethany!" my mother shouted. "You promised you’d spend the holidays with us! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?"
"We did not tell you because we knew that you would overreact."
Sometime since our last conversation, Bethany had dropped her faux Euro accent in favor of the clipped, crisp, over-enunciated dialect favored by the Mid-Atlantic upper class, which was just as ridiculous since she lived in California now.
"Overreact?" screamed my mother, in tears. "I haven’t seen you since your wedding and you can’t even bring yourself to spend an entire day with us! It’s Christmas, for Christ’s sake!" She stormed out of the kitchen and locked herself in the bathroom.
Bethany pouted. "It was a lot of trouble get-ting out here at all. And this is the thanks I get for trying to be the good daughter."
The good daughter. Ha! I don’t know if either of us qualified as the good daughter, but the way she was outbitching herself, I was definitely coming out ahead.
"You know what, Bethany? Do us all a favor and don’t try so hard next time."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, don’t burden yourself by gracing us with your presence if you’re going to be such a bitch about it."
The insult whizzed right past her. She had already focused on something more important. "Enough talk!" she snapped, waving her diamond-dripping fingers in my face. "We must get Mother out of the bathroom."
"That’s the first decent thing you’ve said since you’ve been home."
Maybe Bethany isn’t such a monster after all, I thought. Maybe she’s capable of thinking about someone other than herself.
"My makeup is still in there. I desperately need it for my vacation."
At that moment, I decided that no matter how much my parents pissed me off—which was sure to be a sizable amount—I would never be like this. Never.
Makeup be damned, my mom stayed in the bathroom until after Bethany and G-Money’s hasty departure. Eventually, I was able to persuade her to come out with the promise of hot cider and a plate of cookies. She slowly opened the door.
"You called your sister a bitch.…"
Great, I thought.Grounded again. Is there no justice in this world?
She jerked her fingers through her hair, as though she were about to rip it out.
"I’m glad you said it before I did."
My mom and I sat in front of the Christmas tree, sipping cider and biting the heads off gingerbread men. We surveyed all the super-pricey presents Bethany and G-Money had given us.
"You know she hired a personal shopper to pick out these gifts," my mom said, rubbing a pink silk robe against her cheek. "She didn’t have time to do it herself."
"That explains why these presents are so perfect," I said, picking up a slick leather journal and fountain pen. "The personal shopper knows us better than she does."
Mom smiled, shook her head, and said, "Why do you have to be so smart?"
"As long as I’m not a smart-ass, right?"
Mom gently brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. "Then you wouldn’t be you."
I held up the journal. It was so shiny