Snow Blind - Lori G. Armstrong [125]
Turns out I’d been right all along.
Ben’s ghostly familial advice from the great beyond notwithstanding, I finally saw it for what it’d been: my hallucinogenic grasp at straws. Nothing would fill the void of losing Ben. I didn’t want or need a replacement sibling. I’d been an idiot to try to forge a connection with Brittney where there wasn’t one. Where—if I was totally honest with myself—I didn’t want one. Ben had tried to forge a new family bond with his sister Leticia and look where it’d gotten him. She’d slit his throat and left him to die.
Just like DJ had done with Melvin Canter. Wasn’t it ironic they both thought their actions were justified?
Brittney and I would never come to terms on our father, what he’d done to me, as opposed to how she saw him. If by some miracle when she was older and she’d gained a different perspective, it’d be too late. For both of us.
Another wave of sadness and loss washed over me, but I managed to suck it up.
“Do you have a ride home?”
“No.”
“Tony?” I called, a little louder than necessary, a little more desperate than necessary.
The door opened. Big Mike popped his head in and said, “Whaddya need?”
“Call Brittney’s mom to come and get her.”
“No problem. Come on, kid. You can wait out here. Julie needs to rest.”
445
Brittney made it to the door before she turned back. “You won’t tell on him?”
I shook my head. What she didn’t realize was this might be beyond the control of either of us.
“Thanks. See ya, sis.”
And I couldn’t snap back my usual, “Not if I see you first,” response, because this time, it wasn’t a joke. From now on, I’d go out of my way to stay out of her life. Not out of spite; out of self-protection. The kid could destroy me and she knew it. And I’d almost let it happen out of some misplaced sense of family loyalty. A family who had never wanted anything to do with me anyway.
When the door closed, I pulled the quilt over my head and hid from the world.
446
Less than thirty minutes later the door
opened and the mattress dipped. “You’re gonna smother under there, sugar, regardless if you had hypothermia yesterday or not.”
Kim.
The covers were stripped back. Her cool hand soothed my tear-dampened face. But I couldn’t look at her.
“Okay, so let’s bust this little tiff we had last week wide open. You pissed me off. So to be contrary and mean, I downloaded that Winnie the Pooh song into my iPod. You know, the one about being the little black rain cloud? I planned to make you listen to it over and over, but the second I heard it . . . Lawd almighty, I was weepin’ like a willow tree.”
I snorted. “You cry at the drop of a hat. Or a baby 447
bootie. Or a Bud Light commercial.”
“I’ve been acting like grumpy old Eeyore, too.”
“The jackass comparison works for me.”
“Can I blame my shitty behavior to you on pregnancy hormones?”
“No.”
“Gonna make me grovel, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” Her throaty laughter made me smile. I opened my eyes. “Why’re you really here, Kim?”
“To say I’m sorry.”
“And?”
“To say I missed you and I had the strangest feeling things weren’t right with you, Jules.”
“Martinez called you, didn’t he?”
“No. Actually I called him.”
A tiny sense of relief surfaced that she’d chosen to be here on her own, not grudgingly shown up at my lover’s request. “Why?”
“Because you haven’t been in the office. Kevin seemed clueless and preoccupied after I asked him where you were. No answer on your cell. When I reached Tony today, he said you were taking some downtime. I called bullshit on his explanation on how you ended up with a case of hypothermia, especially not with four of his armed bodyguards holed up in your house.” She scrutinized the marks on my face.
“Can you tell me what’s been going on?”
“No.” My eyes filled. “But I can tell you I’m glad you’re here, Kim. So goddamn glad.”
448
“Hey.” She crawled on the bed and lay down, facing me. “Stop bawling or I’ll start.”