Snow Blind - Lori G. Armstrong [126]
“You’re really upset, huh?”
I nodded.
“Talk to me. There’s not a damn thing you can tell me that will make me run out of here screaming. Sometimes I don’t like what you do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. We’re buddies, pals, BFF, no matter what.”
The silence lingered, not unwieldy, just there. I sighed. “You know why I like you?”
“There are so many reasons I don’t believe you’ll have time to list them all before I have to go home,”
she teased.
“Ha ha. Seriously, I like you because I don’t have to like you. Makes it my choice, rather than something I feel I have to do.”
“Is this about Brittney?”
“Yes.” One simple word. No simple answers.
“Let it out, darlin’, I’m here.”
“You were right. I thought it could be different for me than it was for you. I felt a little smug, if you want to know the truth, that maybe I could overcome my past with my father in a way you couldn’t with yours. But the truth is, I can’t be around him, because he is poison. And being around Brittney means being around him, so in a strange way, she’s poison, too. Why didn’t I see her manipulation of me?”
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“Because you didn’t listen to your gut. Because you wanted what you had with Ben, sugar.”
“Ironically, she’s the same age I was when Ben showed up. I can’t imagine what hell my life would’ve been if he hadn’t bulled his way into it.”
“I sense a ‘but.’”
“But Ben and I held a similar view of Doug Collins. It bugs the shit out of me that Brittney doesn’t see him for what he is.”
“Honey, she won’t. Not unless he reverts to how he was to you.”
“As glad as I am that he isn’t beating on her, at least his apathy and hatred toward me and Ben were overt, not covert. It doesn’t bother her that Dad would throw her to the wolves to save DJ.”
Kim didn’t respond right away. “It hurts. I’m sorry. Other people would tell you to try to work it out, she’s family, and it matters. But you are doing the right thing by letting it go, by letting her go. This has to do with your mental well-being, not what other people think. Including me.
“There’s lots of good people in your life who love you as you are, Jules. Martinez. Kevin. Jimmer. Me. We are your family by choice. I might get pissy with you, and pick out the ugliest bridesmaid’s dress on the planet for you to wear at my wedding, but, face it: I need you as much as you need me.”
“You say that now, Kim, as I’m lying here bawling my eyes out, but you haven’t needed me.” I forced 450
myself to look at her even when I was afraid of what I’d see. “In fact, it seems like you’ve been trying to cut me out of your life.”
A soft sigh. “Maybe I was. I’m flying without a net, getting married and figuring out what this pregnancy and baby business is all about. You were right when you said you hadn’t changed. You drink. You smoke. You swear. You have a dangerous job at times. The man in your bed and in your life is one of the most feared men in five states. It’s never bothered me before. But now? I wondered if that was the kind of friend I wanted my baby to be around.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop a cry from erupting at another loss in my life.
“Then I realized I don’t need you to be the baby’s friend; I need you to be my friend.”
“That’s sweet, but you’ve still been preg-zilla and now you’re trying to make me shed happy tears so you don’t feel so mean.”
“Have you ever known me to throw out a mercy compliment?” Kim laughed. “Just so you don’t think I’ve gone too nice, you definitely need a haircut, girlfriend.” She gasped softly.
“What? You okay?”
Instead of answering, she grabbed my hand and placed it on the front swell of her stomach. “Feel that?”
I waited. Then something booted my palm. Hard. My hand snapped back. “Holy shit.”
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Kim snagged my hand and put it back on her baby bump. “Isn’t that wild?”
“Freakishly bizarre.” I poked her stomach. The skin was taut, not squishy. “What’s it feel like from the inside?”
“Hard to explain. I’m gonna ask you the same question when you’re pregnant.”
And things’d been going so well. “Will you
retract the