Something Old - Dianne L. Christner [72]
Jake bowed his head. “Lord, we thank You for this food, but mostly I thank You for the opportunity to share my story with Katy. Amen.”
The sincerity of the simple prayer touched her with tenderness. “Amen,” she breathed. When she opened her eyes, Jake was watching her.
“Anyway, when Dad died, it did something to me. Made me think about how short life is and how trapped I felt. I guess my brother Cal saw my struggle, and he invited me to his Bible study. For the first time I heard about grace.”
Katy clenched her fork. “What do you mean? Brother Troyer teaches grace.”
“But I never heard it. Never understood.”
“Oh.”
“Now there was another decision to make on top of wanting to break away from farming. Cal suggested construction, and it appealed to me. So I signed up for some courses. I wanted to get through school as quickly as possible and get on with life, so I took a full load. But I was still torn about the grace thing. At the time, I thought that if I chose grace, I’d have to leave our church and join Cal’s. To be honest, I enjoyed his Bible study. But I missed some of the studies and delayed making a choice. I knew that if I moved up to another church, I’d lose you.”
You lost me anyway, she thought. But she asked, “Why didn’t you talk to me about this? Instead you just withdrew.” Remembering how painful it had been, Katy whispered, “You just left.”
“I knew where you stood. You’ve always been rigid in your beliefs.”
Rigid. She despised that word. His perception of her matched Lil’s. “Was I? Then why was I drawn to the orneriest boy at church?”
“I’m just saying that’s how I felt at the time. Then my surroundings desensitized me and pulled me into the world. I didn’t intentionally go off to college to sow my wild oats. It just happened one step at a time. There was a new world to explore.”
She felt her ears heat. “And new girls.”
“I guess. Jessie was in my business class, and she liked to poke fun at me, but at the same time she helped me out, explained things.”
I’ll bet she did, Katy thought, jealousy rising in her spirit and stealing her appetite.
“She was fun loving and comfortable to hang out with. She convinced me to go to some parties, and the next thing I knew I was drinking. I knew that lots of Mennonite guys drink before they settle down, and I just figured it would help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. If I even wanted to settle down. But after the initial excitement wore off, I realized that Jessie wasn’t for me. I knew I’d lost my most precious gift, you. I tried to win you back that night in the parking lot, but I went about it all wrong. When you smelled the alcohol on my breath, you despised me for it. I want you to know that if I hadn’t been drunk I never would have manhandled you that way. I’m so sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me.”
She shrugged, not able to answer that question. “I don’t know.”
The waiter came and refilled their drinks, giving Katy a moment to consider everything Jake had just told her. She realized that he was right that she wouldn’t have understood then what it was like to feel the pull of the outsiders. But since she’d started working in their world, she’d experienced some of that excitement, and the lure, too. Wasn’t that what tonight was all about? She didn’t want to condemn him—maybe a guy was drawn with even more force—but his actions had stolen his innocence. At least sexually, she assumed. And that bothered her a lot.
“When you told me off, I decided to leave the church where I wasn’t wanted. The world took me in.”
“Jessie did, too.” Katy murmured.
“Yes. But I was miserable. Soon after that, I broke up with her. Then one night I ended up drunk on Cal’s doorstep. He sobered me up, and we talked a long while. I knew I needed God so I confessed my sins and attended Cal’s Bible study and even his church. Once the Lord entered my life, I viewed everything differently. I’d changed and would change even more in the months after that.”
He continued. “By then, Erin had come to school and hooked up with Jessie and started following