Spirit Bound - Christine Feehan [119]
Stefan pulled back, shock registering on his face, in his brain. He never allowed those memories to surface. He hadn’t thought about his oldest brother in more than twenty years. It had been easier to let go of all of them. As long as they were vague and shadowy somewhere in his mind, far away where he could believe they were safe and their lives hadn’t been as his had been, he remained sane.
He didn’t want the compassion he felt surrounding him, or the sympathy in her eyes. He didn’t need those things. They made one weak. He turned away from her abruptly and paced across the floor, restless energy building fast. At once he felt that soothing presence surrounding him, pushing at him until there was no choice but to surrender.
He stared out her bedroom window, keeping his back to her, shaken by the memories of his family and by the power of her element, the manipulation of his own feelings. Above him, stars glittered against the night sky. Below him, white star flowers waved gently, rippling in the breeze, giving them the same effect as the stars overhead, so that he felt surrounded by the universe, the constellations all around him. The effect was mesmerizing and soothing. She had created a sanctuary, this woman with her amazing talents.
He turned to face her, automatically sliding to one side of the window, his back to the wall while he studied her. He allowed his gaze to drift over her, drink her in, and absorb her. He could look at her forever. He felt as if he was waking up after a long sleep, a hibernation from actual living. He had never participated, only watched from the shadows. Judith, with her brightness, had drawn him out into the light. Exposed him. He stood before her, vulnerable and effectively naked.
She stood tall, her body firm, curvy, that glittering gold chain catching his eye and drawing attention to her tucked-in waist and alluring belly button. Her shiny hair and dark eyes were exotic and intriguing, and all that soft, exposed skin beckoned him. Physically, she was perfect to him, but far beyond that, there was that spirit surrounding him, drawing hope out of him, drawing out things he’d long forgotten or never known.
“Rejecting me is out of the question, Judith. It just is. Obviously, you have no real comprehension of what you’ve done, but that doesn’t exempt you from the consequences.”
A slow smile curved her soft mouth and crept into her eyes. “Rejecting you is out of the question, is it?”
He nodded. Serious. He had nowhere to go after she’d destroyed who and what he’d been for years. There was only . . . Judith. “That’s it exactly.”
“I did this?”
He nodded again, knowing he had no control left, not when she’d taken his pride. He was asking her to save him—save his soul—to save that small part of the real Stefan Prakenskii he’d protected for so long. She’d opened the floodgates for love—and for pain. He’d blocked pain for all those years, yet now the memories felt raw and all too real. Close. So close he felt almost as if he were losing his mind. She’d left him alone for four endless days and three nights.
“I can be the man you need, Judith—for anything. I can be that man. You can’t shut me out because you’re afraid of this.”
He needed to hold her to him. There was no out for him. He was in far too deep. He felt as if he’d fallen off a cliff and was freefalling through space without an idea of where he might land. This was the type of woman who would stand by his side no matter what happened if she committed to him. She would stand forever with him. There would be no going back for her either. She had allowed herself