Spirit Bound - Christine Feehan [120]
Judith had a wildly passionate nature and she feared to lose the control that enabled her to protect those around her from the ups and downs of her intense emotions.
“You don’t understand, Thomas.” There was pain in her voice. Need. Want.
They both winced when she murmured his false name.
Judith shook her head. “Life isn’t quite so black and white. I can’t always just do whatever I want. I have family I love. People that matter to me. Those women saved my life and made me believe in myself again. They’ve given me hope.”
“As you’ve done for me,” he stated quietly.
Her gaze jumped to his. She swallowed hard. “Before you came along, I felt frozen. I did, Thomas.” This time she said the name firmly. “I felt like there would never be love in my life, not the love of a partner—a man for myself. I had no hope of a family of my own. Children. Laughter. Love every day. And then I saw you and before I could take a breath I was so wrapped up in you I couldn’t breathe. I don’t let people in. I can’t. You have no idea how dangerous that can be and I don’t want to make a wrong move. I’m protecting you as well as my family and me.”
He held out his hand to her. She looked so forlorn, unable to take that step toward him. She looked at his hand and tears swam in her eyes. She shook her head.
“I can’t, Thomas. I can’t explain, but you’re better off without me.”
The more agitated she became, the more negative energy filled the room until the walls pulsed with it. At first the heavy emotion battered at him, chipping away his resolve and confidence that they fit perfectly, but as her fears grew, his determination hardened and calmness descended.
“Moi prekrasnyi padshii angel.” He covered the distance separating them and took her hand. “Locks don’t mean anything to me. I can go wherever I want. It is impossible to shut out a man such as I am. You have no secrets from me. I can’t live with them and you don’t need to.” He kept his gaze locked with her, willing her to understand.
Her eyes widened. Her breath caught in her throat. Dark anger spread through the room. He didn’t let go of her hand, not even when she tensed up and tried to jerk away from him. He kept her shackled to him, while anger spread like a cancer and the floor rippled beneath his feet. The power expanded and the windows rattled. He held on to her and stayed calm, the eye of the hurricane, never moving, never looking away from her.
“Just breathe now, Judith,” he said, keeping his voice quiet. “I’m every bit as exposed as you and we’re still standing. I’m still standing with you. Your worst is nothing at all, honey. Everyone gets angry and feels rage and even hatred at times. You’re a spirit element so unfortunately, if those darker emotions get away from you, others can feel them as well. But the emotions are normal. They don’t make you a terrible person.”
Her gaze shifted from his and she looked down, guilt and shame making her shoulders sag. He knew her guilt wasn’t over her rage, or her dark wishes. The shame was because she didn’t have it in her to avenge her brother.
Stefan stepped close to her, close enough to share his body heat without physically touching her curves. He tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. “My shame, Judith, is that I’m wholly capable of doing terrible things to other human beings without mercy, without emotion. If you asked me to make this man suffer for you, or to kill him for you, I would get the job done. You wanted a weapon, and I’m standing right here, willing to do anything for you. Sadly, if you asked that of me, it would be the easiest thing you’ll ever ask of me.”
He made the confession looking her straight in the eyes, wanting her to hear, feel and see the terrible, ugly truth of his declaration. She had to know him—the real Stefan—not the fantasy of Thomas. Stefan was a man of action and that action wasn’t always going to be pretty. His training