Spirit Bound - Christine Feehan [121]
“I don’t need a man to rescue me.”
“Is that what it feels like to you, Judith? A rescue? I don’t mind saying I need you. Can I live without you? Of course. I have for years, but can I sleep at night? Breathe right? Feel happiness? I don’t know, I never felt happiness before so now that I know what it’s like, maybe I’ll have a more difficult time. I want a partnership with you. I want your joy in my life. Your sense of fun. The bright colors you bring to life in me. I think you’re the one rescuing me, not the other way around.”
She pressed her lips together, standing absolutely still, afraid to move in any direction.
“It’s only a matter of time before you learn to control your element. You’re more than halfway there already. You bottled up the darker side, but you know you can’t keep doing that. For one thing, it’s missing from your paintings and you need it. Everyone needs a balance. Once you learn control, why would you need rescuing, Judith? I’m here for myself. Pleading with you to see me, with my soul in my hands, asking you to save me.”
Judith felt her heart turn over. Could anyone fake that look? She’d been broken for so long after Jean-Claude. Shattered inside. Her sisters had glued her back together, but the cracks showed. This man was standing in front of her, baring his very soul to her. Exposing his sins, giving his life into her keeping. Whatever he was, whatever he’d done in his life, there was good in him.
On the other hand, he’d broken into her house, into her locked studio and spied on her. Wasn’t that stalker mentality? How could breaking into her studio in the least be considered reasonable? He hadn’t even shown remorse, nor did she think he felt that particular emotion. She let her breath out slowly in a hiss of need.
She couldn’t help herself. He had never had anyone. The glimpses she caught of his life, the small things he’d told her, were heartbreaking. Someone needed to love this man. She didn’t pretend to herself it would be easy. She wouldn’t be signing up for a fairy tale. He was a dominating man. Levi had the same traits, but Rikki needed her world a certain way and Levi “got” Rikki and loved her enough to give in to her needs and always, always, he was gentle when he pushed her out of her comfort zone.
Stefan—Thomas—wouldn’t have that same motivation. He would give orders and ask questions afterward. Was she strong enough to live with that kind of force? A man who would always push to dominate? A man who didn’t mind getting past locked doors? He would be a force in her life always. He would also be a strong anchor.
His plea appealed to her compassionate nature. She moistened her lips. “How could there not have been a woman in your life, Thomas? You’re a very sensual man.”
He brought her hand to his chest, opening her fingers so her palm fit over his heart. “I didn’t say there weren’t women. I work for a man named Sorbacov. He’s a very dangerous man, always behind the scenes in our government, but he wields tremendous power and influence. There are of course layers between Sorbacov and men like me, but when he assigns me to seduce a woman, I’ve done so.”
She heard the distaste in his voice and it helped to ease the stabbing at her heart.
“I was trained to perform on demand, to prolong my performance in order to tie a woman to me through sexual prowess.”
He was obviously choosing his words carefully, being painfully honest with her when he would prefer not to discuss the subject.
“Men like me don’t have relationships, Judith. We get the information we need, use the woman to help us and then we’re gone.” He hesitated and his fingers closed around her hand. “If the woman is an agent for another government, sometimes it becomes a matter of who kills the other first.”
“That’s horrible.”
He shrugged. “It’s the only life I’ve ever known so it’s normal to me. Women like you are not part of the life I lead.”
“And Levi did the same thing?