State of Siege - Tom Clancy [17]
"You've been through some rough times," Hood said. "We both have. But the kids aren't stupid. They know what's been happening with us. What I wanted, what I hoped for, was that we not let anything get to us while we're here."
Sharon shook her head sadly. "How?"
"We're not in a rush," Hood said. "The only thing we have to do over the next few days is to build some good memories for ourselves and the kids. Start to pull ourselves out of this funk. Can we focus on that?"
Sharon placed her hand on his. There was a hint of garlic from something she'd cooked the night before. That didn't do a hell of a lot for passion either, Hood had to admit. The routine of life. The smells that became more familiar than that unforgettable first scent of a woman's hair. The chores that turned the tip of your angel's wing back into a hand.
"I want things to change," Sharon said. "I felt something in the van driving up"
"I know," Hood said. "I felt it, too. It was nice." Sharon looked at him. Her eyes were moist. "No, Paul," she said. "What I felt was scary."
"Scary?" Hood said. "What do you mean?"
"The whole ride up, I kept remembering the drives we used to take when the kids were small. Out to Palm Springs or Big Bear Lake or up the coast. We were so different then."
"We were younger," Hood said. "It was more than that."
"We were focused," Hood said. "The kids needed us more than they do now. It's like monkey bars. You've got to stand close together when their reach is small. Otherwise they fall."
"I know," Sharon said. Tears began trickling from her eyes. "But I wanted to feel that togetherness today, and I didn't. I want those good times again, those old feelings." "We can have them now," Hood promised.
"But there's all this crap inside," Sharon said. "All this bitterness, disappointment, resentment. I want to go back and do things over so we can grow together, not apart."
Hood looked at his wife. Sharon had a habit of looking away whenever she was confused and of looking directly at him when she was not. She was looking straight into his eyes. "We can't do that," Hood remarked. "But we can work on fixing things, one at a time."
He pulled her closer. Sharon moved across the bed, but there was no warmth in their proximity. He didn't understand this at all. He was giving her what she had wanted, what she said she needed, and she was still withdrawing. Maybe she was just venting. She hadn't really had a chance to do that. He held her silently for several minutes.
"Hon," Hood went on, "I know you haven't wanted to do this before, but it might be a good idea if the two of us talked to someone. Liz Gordon said she'd give me some names, if you're interested." Sharon didn't say anything. Hood held her closer and heard that her breathing had slowed. He craned back slightly. She was staring at nothing and fighting back tears.
"At least the children turned out all right," she said. "At least we did that right."
"Sharon, we did more than just that right," he said. "We've made a life together. Not perfect, but a better life than a lot of people. We've done okay. And we'll do better." He pulled her close again as she began to sob openly. Her arms went around his shoulders.
"That isn't what a girl dreams of when she thinks of the future, you know?" she wept.
"I know." He cradled her tighter. "We'll make it better, I promise."
He didn't say anything else. He just held on as passion sent Sharon's regret into a power dive. She would bottom out and then, in the morning, they'd start the long climb back. It would be difficult to take things slow and easy, as he'd said. But he owed that to Sharon. Not because he'd let his career dictate his hours but because he'd given his passion to Nancy Bosworth and Ann Farris. Not his body, but his thoughts, his attention, even his dreams. That energy, that focus, should have been saved for his wife and his family.
Sharon fell asleep snuggled in his arms. This wasn't how he wanted to feel closeness, but at least it was something. When he was sure he wouldn't wake her, he released her gently, reached over