Stink and the Great Guinea Pig Express - Megan Mcdonald [5]
“We both want to adopt a guinea pig,” said Rocky. Stink passed guinea pigs to Judy’s friends.
“Hey! This one doesn’t have a tail,” said Rocky.
“Guinea pigs don’t have tails,” said Stink.
“Mine looks like Chewbacca from Star Wars!” said Frank Pearl.
“He’s called a Silkie,” said Stink. “Because he’s way hairy.”
“He looks like a rug,” said Judy.
“Hey, Chewy!” said Frank, stroking the little guy.
Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee! “My guy sure is noisy,” said Rocky.
“That just means it’s hungry,” said Stink.
“Stink, since when do you speak guinea pig?” Judy asked. “Ooh, it’s like you’re the Guinea Pig Whisperer or something.”
“Or something,” said Stink. “If your guinea pig goes Arr! Arr! and barks like a seal, that means it’s lonely. And purring means —”
“Your guinea pig got eaten by a cat?” Judy asked.
“No! It means it’s curious. If it goes Pttp! Pttp! like a tiny trumpet, that means it’s happy. Rrrrrrrrrr!” Stink trilled, like a car motor.
“What’s that one mean?”
“That your guinea pig’s in the best mood ever,” said Stink. “It means, Ooh-la-la!”
Nineteen guinea pigs! Stink was feeling pleased as punch all weekend about the Great Guinea Pig Giveaway.
Until Monday at school, that is. Parker stopped Stink in the hall. “We have to give back our guinea pigs,” Parker said. “Both Hash Brown and Butterscotch chewed holes in the new sofa. Blackberry made a nest out of my sister’s doll’s hair. And Jelly Bean ate a whole bag of jelly beans and made rainbow poop in my mom’s go-to-work shoes.”
Stink couldn’t help laughing. “What about Astro?”
“Astro tiptoed across my dad’s computer keyboard and e-mailed his boss by mistake.”
“Good boy!” said Stink. “I mean, too bad. Well, you’ll just have to take them back to Mrs. Birdwistle.”
“Can’t you take them? My mom’ll freak if I bring them home again.”
“My mom will freak, too,” said Stink. He peered at the squirming heap of fur balls. Astro looked up at him and made a tiny trumpet sound. Stink’s heart melted.
“Never mind. I’ll take them back for you.”
Parker handed over the cardboard carrier to Stink.
“Astro!” Stink whispered to his furry friend. “You came back!”
The five guinea pigs slept their way through social studies, ran their way through recess, and squeaked up a storm all the way through Mrs. D.’s exciting reading of The Mouse and the Motorcycle.
On the way home, Stink told Judy what happened. “Do you think if I ask super-duper nice this time, Mom and Dad might let me keep Astro?”
“Yes,” said Judy. “When guinea pigs fly.”
“Hardee-har-har,” said Stink. “But I’m serious. I let Astro go and he came back. It’s a sign.”
“A sign that you’re cuckoo if you think you can keep him.”
When Stink got home, he rushed up to his room before his mother could see him and slid the carrier under his bed. Maybe he could hide them for just a little while. How hard could it be to hide a few furry critters?
He ran down to the kitchen and piled salad greens and a baby carrot, a strawberry, and a melon cube on a plate. “Good for you, Stink,” said Mom. “A healthy snack for once, instead of all those jawbreakers.”
“Uh-huh,” said Stink. He hurried back upstairs to his room.
Judy met him in the hall. “Stink, I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” she said, blocking the doorway.
Stink tried to see past her. “What do you mean?”
“Your underwear, Stink. It’s alive!”
Stink pushed past her, and Judy followed. A pair of underpants dashed across the floor, up and over his bed, and around the legs of his desk.
“Holy underwear!” Judy yelled. She jumped out of the way.
“Attack of the Mutant Undies!” said Stink, chasing the runaway underpants around his room. “Helppp!”
Judy helped Stink corner the undies behind his wastebasket. Stink pounced on the undies. “Gotcha!” Up popped Astro’s head through a leg hole.
“Look over there!” Judy said. Four more guinea pigs were peeking up out of Stink’s bottom dresser drawer. “It’s the Brotherhood of the Traveling Undies.”
“You guys are going to get me busted,” said Stink, putting