Stink and the Great Guinea Pig Express - Megan Mcdonald [6]
“I’m outta here,” said Judy in a squeaky-high voice, pretending to be Astro. “This place is really stinky.”
“Very funny, Judy,” said Stink.
“Stink, you’re the one who’s a Guinea Pig Whisperer. You can hear guinea pigs talk, remember? That wasn’t me. That was Astro.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s he saying right now?”
Judy held her ear up to the carrier. “He’s saying, ‘Help! Save me! I have a piggly-wiggly wedgie!’”
After the Attack of the Mutant Undies, Stink took all five guinea pigs back to Fur & Fangs and broke the news to Mrs. Birdwistle.
“One hundred and one guinea pigs minus nineteen that were adopted plus five that were brought back equals eighty-seven guinea pigs,” Stink said. “You have a lot more fur than fangs.”
Mrs. Birdwistle laughed. “There is some good news, though. I have a friend in Virginia Beach who started a guinea pig rescue. She says she can take about twenty guinea pigs if I can get them to her.”
“Virginia Beach!” said Stink. “I’ll go!”
“Aren’t you a little too short to drive?” Mrs. B. asked.
“But you could drive!” said Stink. “Webster and Sophie and I can find homes for guinea pigs along the way!”
“Wait just a minute,” said Mrs. B. “You’re saying you want me to drive you and a rattletrap camper full of one hundred and one guinea pigs all the way to Virginia Beach?”
“Eighty-seven guinea pigs,” said Stink.
“It’s a great idea!” said Mrs. B.
On the day of the trip, Mrs. B. handed the kids a map. “Let’s each choose one place to stop where we might be able to find homes for guinea pigs.”
Mrs. B. pointed to Bull Run Castle. Webster chose the Reston Zoo. Sophie picked the mermaid fountains in Norfolk. And Stink chose Smithfield, home of the World’s Biggest Ham.
“Let’s get this show on the road,” said Mrs. B., and they all piled into the camper. But Violet didn’t want to stay in her cage. Midnight hid under the seat. And Miss Piggy ate half a bag of chips before they even started.
It was going to be one wild ride. The kids sang at the top of their lungs.
“Eighty-seven guinea pigs rolling along,
Eighty-seven guinea pigs.
Take some down, pass ’em around,
Eighty-seven guinea pigs rolling along . . .”
First stop was Bull Run Castle.
“It was built to be somebody’s house once,” said Mrs. B. “But now it’s a museum. And people can rent it out for parties and events.”
“Look!” said Stink. “A bunch of kids dressed up like witches and wizards.”
Six kids from a Harry Potter party talked their parents into letting them have guinea pigs!
Next stop, the Reston Zoo.
At the elephant house, Stink saw the most amazing animal that wasn’t even an elephant. It was the world’s biggest guinea pig!
“The sign says it’s a capybara,” said Mrs. B. “It comes from South America, just like guinea pigs do, and it’s the world’s largest living rodent. Scientists found a skeleton of one rodent relative that’s eight million years old. The ‘giant rat’ weighed fifteen hundred pounds.”
“Guinea giganticus!” said Stink, making up a scientific name.
When they got back to Squeals on Wheels, people were peering through the windows of the camper at all the guinea pigs.
“Get your cute guinea pigs here,” they announced. In no time, Squeals on Wheels was a little less squeal-y.
Stink studied the map. “Next stop — World’s Biggest Ham!”
After crossing over the James River Bridge, they pulled into Smithfield, Virginia — Pig City, USA.
“There it is!” said Stink. “The museum with the pet ham.”
Inside the museum, displayed in a glass case, was a small, wrinkly lump covered in green mold.
“Gross!” said Sophie. “It looks like a shrunken head.”
“Double gross!” said Webster. “It looks like a giant turd. Maybe we came to the World’s Biggest Turd Museum by mistake.”
“I don’t get it,” said Stink. “The sign says it’s more than one hundred years old. See? Oh, I get it now. It’s the world’s oldest ham, not biggest.”
“Does the sign say it’s super-disgusting?” said Webster.
A half hour later, they left the ham museum.
“We didn’t even adopt out one single guinea