Stuff White People Like - Christian Lander [57]
If you are attempting to move your friendship with a white person to the next level (either socially or romantically), it is a good idea to invite them to your house to watch something featuring Dave Chappelle and smoke marijuana. This combination is irresistible to white people.
124 Tibet
In the history of white causes, there might never be one bigger than Tibet. The cause has celebrity endorsements, concerts, T-shirts, bumper stickers, Buddhism, and a simple solution. The latter is the most important, since many white people do not need to know the history of the situation in order to be passionate about the need for China to “get out of Tibet.” Unlike many other problems that have exceptionally complex solutions (global hunger, poverty, the environment), Tibet presents a rather clear-cut solution and is much easier to support blindly.
Ask a white person why they love Tibet so much and you will always get the same response: they see the nation as a place where people live simple lives, practice Buddhism, and find enlightenment on a daily basis. Tibetans have no need for material posessions, and it is rumored that the country actually absorbs pollution from China and turns it into self-help books for the West.
When it comes to the inhabitants of Tibet, white people are pretty sure that the entire nation is made up of cool Buddhist monks who know martial arts. These men are perhaps the most respected people in white culture after bicycle mechanics and indie rock musicians.
For these reasons, white support of Tibet is absolute. It is scientifically impossible to meet a white person who doesn’t support a free Tibet. This means that you have a subject that is guaranteed to get a favorable response from white people. If a conversation with a white person ever turns to politics and you are feeling slightly uncomfortable, it’s best to immediately say, “Can you believe what’s going on in Tibet?” Problem solved.
Also, if you are working in a predominantly white environment, it’s probably best to put a “Free Tibet” bumper sticker on your car. It won’t really open any doors, but it doesn’t hurt.
125 Nintendo Wii
Video games play a very interesting role for white people. Many white males are very into the Xbox 360 or Playstation 3, on which they play games like Final Fantasy, Grand Theft Auto, Halo, Gears of War, and Rock Band. If they tell you that they play “a lot of Madden,” you are speaking with the wrong kind of white person. However, on the whole white people have very specific tastes in the types of video games they like.
Almost all of them grew up playing Super Mario Bros. on the original Nintendo, and when you bring up the topic of modern video games they will almost always say, “They are too complicated now, I don’t play them. Except for the Wii.”
Launched in 2006, the Nintendo Wii has reignited white interest in video games. The Wii, which features motion controls, does not require any special skill beyond flailing your arms. The system also accommodates up to four players, meaning that it has become an excellent replacement for board games at dinner parties. White people are known to gather around the TV and spend hours playing Wii Bowling, Wii Tennis, or maybe even Mario Party.
The main reason the Wii has tapped into white culture is the creation of “Mii’s.” These are little avatars that can be used as characters within games. After spending most of their lives creating themselves through the purchase of haircuts, glasses, and tattoos and the growth of facial hair, white people love the idea of being able to re-create their “look” on the Wii. However, virtually all white Mii’s end up the same—white skin, glasses, and a choice of messy hair (male), long hair(female), bangs (female), or bald(male).
White people who do not own a Nintendo Wii especially enjoy telling people how much they want to get one. White people who do own Wii’s quickly tire of them and only end up playing when friends come over.
If you know a white person with a