Sudden Impact - Lesley Choyce [19]
He clenched a fist. He was angry with someone. “No. I don’t mean to be. I’m just having a hard time. I keep seeing images of Jason smashing up his bike. And I keep thinking about what a jerk the guy always was. And now part of him is in me and he … you two saved my life.” Kurt looked like he was about to scream. “And it’s all just so confusing. I don’t understand it. And I feel like hitting something.”
“I think it’s part of the process. I don’t know why. You’ll feel better eventually.”
“Yeah, so they say.” Kurt tried to replace the anger with something else. He smiled, then looked worried. “What if I’m not the same anymore? Are you still gonna like me?”
“Don’t be silly. Of course I’ll like you.” Leave it to Kurt to use the word like at a time like this. It made me feel that he was more back to normal than he thought. “Besides, I don’t care if you are different. I think we’re all different now.”
“I wish things could go back to the way they used to be. And I wish Jason was still alive.”
“We all wish that,” I said.
“You never gave up on me, did you? Not even when they tried to keep you away.”
“I did what I had to do.”
“You’re pretty amazing, you know.”
I think it was the first time anyone had ever said that to me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked away. Then he took my hand and held it in his. We both said nothing after that. When I turned my head and looked at him he had this big goofy grin on his face. And I laughed out loud.
chapter eighteen
A few weeks later, when Kurt was finally allowed to go back to school, I watched people trying to be nice to him—too nice. Nobody slapped him on the back. The guys all acted like they were talking to a little old lady when they saw him. Kurt had lost weight and he still looked, well, sick. But he was improving.
Everyone avoided talking about Jason when Kurt was around. Then one day at lunch Dorfman asked, “What’s it feel like to be walking around with a piece of old Jason inside you keeping you alive?”
I think until then Kurt had been treating himself like he was a piece of china about to break. Finally somebody had come out and asked him an honest question.
Kurt took a big bite of his sandwich, chewed with a very serious look on his face and swallowed. The table had gone silent. The guys were waiting to see if Kurt was going to crack. Instead he lit into a smile.
“It feels good,” he said. “Real good. And now I know what Jason meant about not wimping out when the going gets tough.” The guys thought Kurt was talking about Jason, but he was sitting across the table, looking straight at me. I knew what he was getting at, even if they didn’t.
“You gonna be able to play soccer again next year?” Leach asked.
“I don’t know,” Kurt said. “I’ll have to see. But if I do, it’ll be like two halfbacks for the price of one, you know what I mean?”
Leach nodded. “Yeah, maybe I do.”
Walking home together after school that day, Kurt and I saw a young pigeon fly into the side of a moving car. The car kept going, but the pigeon fell into the street.
We ran over to it and Kurt picked it up.
“One of its wings is broken,” I said. “Too bad. It’s just a young one too.”
The driver saw us run onto the street in his rear-view mirror, so he backed up. He looked at the bird in Kurt’s hands. “Ah, too bad for the little thing. The stupid bird flew right into the side of my car. There was nothing I could do.”
“The wing’s busted,” Kurt said.
“I can see. Look, kid, the best thing to do when a wild animal gets hurt like that is to just put it in the bushes and let it die.”
Kurt looked at the guy and said, “Right. Thanks for the advice.”
The driver put his car in gear. He leaned out the window. “Look, I’m sorry, but these things happen all the time.” And then he drove off.
“What do you think?” I asked Kurt.
“I think the guy’s full of it,” Kurt said. “I think I know a vet who’d be willing to try to put a splint on the wing. And I’ll take care of it until it heals.”
“Right,” I said. “Then maybe you and I can teach it to fly all over again.”