Summer Secrets - Barbara Freethy [104]
"Like Dad? He's an alcoholic, too, you know."
Kate sat down on the end of the bed, feeling very tired. Of course she knew their father was an alcoholic. She'd known that for years. But Caroline? She was so young. So full of life. Had all that life and energy come from an endless supply of liquor?
"I'm trying to stop drinking," Caroline continued. "Mike is helping me. He's not my boyfriend. He's my sponsor, the person I can call when I'm feeling desperate. Most people don't realize he's been sober for more than a year because of Alcoholics Anonymous. He took me to my first meeting a few weeks ago. I was doing really good ... until last night." She punched the pillow up under her head.
"What happened last night?"
"I went to see Dad at the Oyster Bar. I thought I could handle being in there for a few minutes, but he put a drink down in front of me. I wasn't even going to taste it until..."
"Until what?" Kate prodded. "What did Dad say to you?'
There was a bitter pain in Caroline's eyes when she looked back at her. "He told me he didn't want me to sail with him unless you came along to watch out for me. Apparently I'm a huge jinx."
"That's ridiculous. You're not a jinx. And he'd be lucky to have you."
"He doesn't think so. I don't know why I keep trying. I'm never going to be good enough. I'm never going to be you."
Kate frowned as Caroline slid down in the bed, pulling the covers up over her head the way she used to do when she was a little girl and the world got too scary. The memories suddenly swamped Kate: Caroline curled up just like this in her bedroom in the middle of the day, the day their mom had died. Kate had come into the room to tell her, because her father couldn't do it, and Ashley was too distraught to speak.
Then there were all those times on the boat when it got too much for Caroline, when slipping under the covers and escaping seemed to be the only way out. Sometimes Kate had wanted to do the very same thing. But someone had to be there to pull the covers back, and that someone was her.
She did it now, pulling the blanket off Caroline's head and smoothing down her sister's hair with a loving gesture. "It's going to be all right, Caroline. We'll get through this. I'm going to take care of you."
"You can't make this better," Caroline said dully. "I can't even seem to make it better."
"You should have told me about the drinking."
Caroline looked at her with a truth in her eyes. "You knew, Kate."
Kate began shaking her head. "I didn't think ... " But hadn't she sometimes worried about Caroline's drinking, her smoking, her need to let loose? Hadn't those worries started years ago? It all seemed so clear now.
"Last night was the first time I drank in almost a month. I know it's not much, but Mike says I just have to try again, start over from today."
Kate suddenly realized how wrong she had been about Mike. "That's where you were going on the ferry the other day."
"To an AA meeting." Caroline nodded.
"I still don't understand how you came to tell Mike."
"Remember when I told you I ran my car into a ditch on Hawkins Road because a dog ran out in front of me? There was no dog. I was drunk. Mike found me. He told me if I didn't get my act together, I would kill myself. But he didn't have to tell me that, Kate, because I already knew. That accident scared the hell out of me. I didn't realize how out of control everything had gotten. I could have hurt someone else, too."
"The bruises on your arm, were they from the accident?"
Caroline smiled at that. "No, that was just me tripping down the stairs and banging my arm into the door, just like I told you." Her smile faded. "Maybe Dad is right. Maybe I am a klutz."
Kate barely registered the explanation. She was still reeling with the reality of Caroline's drinking. Caroline had almost killed herself driving drunk into a tree. It was awful, beyond awful. She should have realized. She was the big sister. She was supposed to