The 4-Hour Body_ An Uncommon Guide to Ra - Timothy Ferriss [104]
Suggestions for a Successful Beginner’s Session
Based on coaching and practice, here are some helpful guidelines:
• Light contact. Remember: two pages of paper as depth of pressure. No more. It takes a lot of strength and concentration to stroke lightly.
• It isn’t building toward anything. Keep the practice goalless and remember the intention: singularly focused repetition for 15 minutes.
• Consider using a blindfold or airline eye mask on the woman. I’ve found it makes them less self-conscious and increases tactile sensitivity.
• Have her “turn off the show.” She doesn’t need to please you. Make this clear. She doesn’t need to moan and groan. It’s about subtle sensation and nothing extra.
• Make it fun and even call it an “experiment.” Serious = tension. Keep it light.
• Related to the above: no idle chatter. Some women will talk to distract themselves and prevent orgasm, or to prevent facial expressions of pleasure. This is an exercise in overcoming embarrassment, so the talking crutch should be removed. Using an eye mask helps minimize the talking impulse.
• Reinforce relaxation gently if the woman seems tense or anxious: “I notice you’re tensed. Try and relax a little bit.” If she’s experiencing strong contractions which will clearly exhaust her before 15 minutes are up, encourage her to breathe and push out slightly as if she were going to pee. She won’t pee, and it will help her extend the plateau and minimize fatigue.
Most common mistakes:
• Being goal-oriented. This includes women who will ask for insertion or penetration. Do not oblige them until the 15 minutes are up. Sex is fine afterward, but not until the session is finished. Don’t give in. She might beg in the moment, but she will thank you later for holding off. Once you’ve completed five 15-minute sessions without caving in, feel free to break the rules and go nuts before 15 minutes are up. But not until you’ve followed the rules for five sessions.
• Asking “nonwinning” questions of the woman such as “Does it feel good?” or “Are you enjoying this?” almost guarantees lying. Asking questions is encouraged, but use directional questions instead: “Would you like a lighter or stronger stroke?” “More to your left or right?” “Higher or lower?”
• Once again: using too much pressure. I consciously focused on a light touch when practicing the Doing Method for the first time, and I assumed it was light enough. It wasn’t. I was using at least three times too much pressure. Imagine tickling a sleeping friend’s nose just enough to make him scratch his own nose, but not enough to wake up.
Once you’re comfortable with the basic practice (five stroke-only sessions), but not before, try these:
1. Insert the middle finger of the nonstroking hand, palm up, and use a come-hither motion to stimulate the g-spot. After five minutes, add in the index finger for a total of two fingers and continue the come-hither motion.
2. Place a buckwheat pillow10 under her hips for the same angle as the improved-angle missionary, and use your left thumb to anchor the clitoris while you perform cunnilingus at the one o’clock upper quadrant of the clit. Do this as lightly as you would perform the stroke for at least five minutes, without finger insertion, and then add in #1 above with the right hand. Build a strong neck so she doesn’t pop your head off.
Afterword: The Snow Leopard Cometh
So did Giselle get to the finish line? Yes. And she ended up getting much more.
It started with her masturbation homework assignments.
“I’m similar to my closest friends in most ways, so I’d assumed this would also be the case. It wasn’t.