The 4-Hour Body_ An Uncommon Guide to Ra - Timothy Ferriss [98]
She was the eldest daughter in her family, an unexpected recurring theme I found among inorgasmic women, and had been raised Catholic. Her mother used scare tactics with religious overtones, repeating phrases like “I hope your decision to abstain includes remembering your faith.” This fueled a feeling of obligation to be a role model for her younger sisters, and the end product was predictable: she disallowed herself pleasure, viewing it as a hazard, and was now well on the path to asexuality.
Step 1: I gave Giselle, who’d agreed to play along, the book Sex for One by Betty Dodson,7 along with a homework assignment to masturbate prior to bed for five minutes each night.
Then I crossed my fingers.
The next few weeks would show if her discomfort and disinterest could be fixed through simple conditioning.
In boxing, there is an expression: “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” For Giselle and other women I later interviewed, it seemed that they often had Rocky-like sexual confidence until game time with a partner, when all the buried insecurities surfaced despite (or perhaps because of) their best efforts to suppress them. It was practice facing these demons that they needed, not better self-talk. Masturbation it was.
I hoped five minutes of nightly homework would be enough.
THE POSITIONS: PRECISION AND PRESSURE
Nina emphasized two slight modifications to most positions:
1. Changing the angle of penetration so that the head of the penis makes more contact with the female g-spot, which is generally about a quarter in size and one to two inches inside the vagina on the top side. If the male inserts an index finger up to the second knuckle (palm up), and makes a come-hither motion, the fingertip should touch a sponge-like tissue or be within an inch of it. This is the g-spot.
2. Changing the pressure of the position so that the man’s pelvic bone is in direct contact with the clitoris.
The descriptions that follow are based on Nina’s suggestions, as well as my [cough] research testing. The three positions described were chosen because the woman need not necessarily stimulate herself, as would be the case in doggy style.
Improved-Angle Missionary
On the facing page, notice that the woman’s hips are elevated on a pillow to tilt her hips toward her head. Nina suggests buckwheat hull pillows, which are firm and, unlike foam or feather pillows, don’t collapse. I fell in love with them in Japan, as the hulls conform to your head and neck to offer the perfect night’s sleep. They conform equally well to female buttocks, while keeping them a perfect six or so inches off the bed.
The man then moves his hips as close as possible to the woman’s hips while keeping his heels under his buttocks. He should be sitting Japanese-style, sitting on heels with knees spread as wide as is comfortable. The lower he keeps his hips, the better the angle to hit the g-spot.8 Experiment with different depths of penetration. Using a rhythm of nine shorter half-length penetrations with one long is particularly effective. Use the bottom of the opening of her vagina as a fulcrum for the penis, which will act as a lever.
The woman should test (a) pulling her knees toward her chest to tilt her hips toward her, and (b) placing her feet flat on the bed to elevate her hips. One will usually feel awesome, while the other will feel awkward.
Note for the big gents on long strokes: if your penis is apt to hit her cervix in this position, which is not pleasant for women, “open up” one hip, as they say in the adult film business. Putting her bellybutton at twelve noon, aim your penis at ten or two o’clock. This works for all positions where deep penetration is possible (doggy style, knees on shoulders, etc.). Pain isn’t sexy unless the woman tells you it is.
Improved-Pressure Missionary
To accomplish this position, the male must shift his weight forward a few inches. First, he must straighten his legs (bringing them closer together makes this easier) so the knees are off of the bed. Then he’ll support more weight on her