The Absentee [35]
same man on another occasion, and got the victory too.'
No general officer could talk of his victories, or fight his battles o'er again, with more complacency than Sir Terence O'Fay recounted his CIVIL exploits.
'Now I'll tell Miss Nugent. There was a footman in the family, not an Irishman, but one of your powdered English scoundrels that ladies are so fond of having hanging to the backs of their carriages; one Fleming he was, that turned spy, and traitor, and informer, went privately and gave notice to the creditors where the plate was hid in the thickness of the chimney; but if he did, what happened! Why, I had my counter-spy, an honest little Irish boy, in the creditor's shop, that I had secured with a little douceur of usquebaugh; and he outwitted, as was natural, the English lying valet, and gave us notice just in the nick, and I got ready for their reception; and, Miss Nugent, I only wish you'd seen the excellent sport we had, letting them follow the scent they got; and when they were sure of their game, what did they find?--Ha! ha! ha!--dragged out, after a world of labour, a heavy box of--a load of brickbats; not an item of my friend's plate--that was all snug in the coal-hole, where them dunces never thought of looking for it. Ha! ha! ha!'
'But come, Terry,' cried Lord Clonbrony, 'I'll pull down your pride. How finely, another time, your job of the false ceiling answered in the hall. I've heard that story, and have been told how the sheriffs fellow thrust his bayonet up through your false plaster, and down came tumbling the family plate hey, Terry? That hit cost your friend, Lord everybody-knows-who, more than your head's worth, Terry.'
'I ask your pardon, my lord, it never cost him a farthing.'
'When he paid L7000 for the plate, to redeem it?'
'Well! and did not I make up for that at the races of --? The creditors learned that my lord's horse, Naboclish, was to run at -- races; and, as the sheriff's officer knew he dare not touch him on the race-ground, what does he do, but he comes down early in the morning on the mail-coach, and walks straight down to the livery stables. He had an exact description of the stables, and the stall, and the horse's body-clothes.
'I was there, seeing the horse taken care of; and, knowing the cut of the fellow's jib, what does I do, but whips the body- clothes off Naboclish, and claps them upon a garrone that the priest would not ride.
'In comes the bailiff--"Good morrow to you, sir," says I, leading out of the stable my lord's horse, with an OULD saddle and bridle on.
'"Tim Neal," says I to the groom, who was rubbing down the garrone's heels, "mind your hits to-day, and WEE'L wet the plate to-night."
'"Not so fast, neither," says the bailiff--"here's my writ for seizing the horse."
'"Och," says I, "you wouldn't be so cruel."'
"That's all my eye," says he, seizing the garrone, while I mounted Naboclish, and rode him off deliberately to --'
'Ha! ha! ha!--That was neat, I grant you, Terry,' said Lord Clonbrony. 'But what a dolt of a born ignoramus must that sheriffs fellow have been, not to know Naboclish when he saw him!'
'But stay, my lord--stay, Miss Nugent--I have more for you,' following her wherever she moved. 'I did not let him off so, even. At the cant, I bid and bid against them for the pretended Naboclish, till I, left him on their hands for 500 guineas. Ha! ha! ha!--was not that famous?'
'But,' said Miss Nugent, 'I cannot believe you are in earnest, Sir Terence. Surely this would be--'
'What?--out with it, my dear Miss Nugent.'
'I am afraid of offending you.'
'You can't, my dear, I defy you--say the word that came to the tongue's end; it's always the best.'
'I was going to say, swindling,' said the young lady, colouring deeply.
'Oh! you was going to say wrong, then! It's not called swindling amongst gentlemen who know the world--it's only jockeying--fine sport--and very honourable to help a friend at a dead lift. Anything to get a friend out of a present pressing difficulty.'
'And when the
No general officer could talk of his victories, or fight his battles o'er again, with more complacency than Sir Terence O'Fay recounted his CIVIL exploits.
'Now I'll tell Miss Nugent. There was a footman in the family, not an Irishman, but one of your powdered English scoundrels that ladies are so fond of having hanging to the backs of their carriages; one Fleming he was, that turned spy, and traitor, and informer, went privately and gave notice to the creditors where the plate was hid in the thickness of the chimney; but if he did, what happened! Why, I had my counter-spy, an honest little Irish boy, in the creditor's shop, that I had secured with a little douceur of usquebaugh; and he outwitted, as was natural, the English lying valet, and gave us notice just in the nick, and I got ready for their reception; and, Miss Nugent, I only wish you'd seen the excellent sport we had, letting them follow the scent they got; and when they were sure of their game, what did they find?--Ha! ha! ha!--dragged out, after a world of labour, a heavy box of--a load of brickbats; not an item of my friend's plate--that was all snug in the coal-hole, where them dunces never thought of looking for it. Ha! ha! ha!'
'But come, Terry,' cried Lord Clonbrony, 'I'll pull down your pride. How finely, another time, your job of the false ceiling answered in the hall. I've heard that story, and have been told how the sheriffs fellow thrust his bayonet up through your false plaster, and down came tumbling the family plate hey, Terry? That hit cost your friend, Lord everybody-knows-who, more than your head's worth, Terry.'
'I ask your pardon, my lord, it never cost him a farthing.'
'When he paid L7000 for the plate, to redeem it?'
'Well! and did not I make up for that at the races of --? The creditors learned that my lord's horse, Naboclish, was to run at -- races; and, as the sheriff's officer knew he dare not touch him on the race-ground, what does he do, but he comes down early in the morning on the mail-coach, and walks straight down to the livery stables. He had an exact description of the stables, and the stall, and the horse's body-clothes.
'I was there, seeing the horse taken care of; and, knowing the cut of the fellow's jib, what does I do, but whips the body- clothes off Naboclish, and claps them upon a garrone that the priest would not ride.
'In comes the bailiff--"Good morrow to you, sir," says I, leading out of the stable my lord's horse, with an OULD saddle and bridle on.
'"Tim Neal," says I to the groom, who was rubbing down the garrone's heels, "mind your hits to-day, and WEE'L wet the plate to-night."
'"Not so fast, neither," says the bailiff--"here's my writ for seizing the horse."
'"Och," says I, "you wouldn't be so cruel."'
"That's all my eye," says he, seizing the garrone, while I mounted Naboclish, and rode him off deliberately to --'
'Ha! ha! ha!--That was neat, I grant you, Terry,' said Lord Clonbrony. 'But what a dolt of a born ignoramus must that sheriffs fellow have been, not to know Naboclish when he saw him!'
'But stay, my lord--stay, Miss Nugent--I have more for you,' following her wherever she moved. 'I did not let him off so, even. At the cant, I bid and bid against them for the pretended Naboclish, till I, left him on their hands for 500 guineas. Ha! ha! ha!--was not that famous?'
'But,' said Miss Nugent, 'I cannot believe you are in earnest, Sir Terence. Surely this would be--'
'What?--out with it, my dear Miss Nugent.'
'I am afraid of offending you.'
'You can't, my dear, I defy you--say the word that came to the tongue's end; it's always the best.'
'I was going to say, swindling,' said the young lady, colouring deeply.
'Oh! you was going to say wrong, then! It's not called swindling amongst gentlemen who know the world--it's only jockeying--fine sport--and very honourable to help a friend at a dead lift. Anything to get a friend out of a present pressing difficulty.'
'And when the